If you think you’re stuck with depression, think again!

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If you think you’re stuck with depression think again.

www.DiscoverPeaceOfMind.com for the adventure of a lifetime.

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An invitation….

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Early 1991 was a good time, the Collingwood Magpies had recently won the first Australian Football League premiership, and I was the Logistics Manager for Tecbelt Pacific.   Tecbelt was a partnership between Goodyear Belting and Pacific Dunlop and manufactured huge conveyor belts for the mining industry.     It was a new partnership, a new plant, and for most of us there, a new job.   We travelled to  Rosehill, New South Wales  to decommission the very old Goodyear factory.   A  new plant was established in Bayswater, Victoria not far from where I lived in Ferntree Gully.

The CEO of Tecbelt was Con Michaels, an enthusiastic man with a big laugh and big goals.   As an aside, Con became one of the few men I knew who put his family ahead of his work, but that’s another story.

As the plant became established and the systems were put in place, Con was constantly looking for ways to improve. “Rod”, he boomed, “this is what I want this organisation to be like. Read this book”.   And there in front of me, he placed a worn copy of

goldratt

The Goal” by  Israeli physicist Dr Eli Goldratt.   That book had an immediate impact on me.   Dr Goldratt revolutionised the approach to manufacturing and accounting.   In 1992  the book was amended as Dr Goldratt added further detail.   Twenty years later, he was planning to subtly update it again after he’d discovered further improvements.

I’d read all Dr Goldratt’s books subsequent to The Goal. I was enthralled by the way he’d take accepted business methodology and systems of thinking and then alter them. Dramatically.

I was eagerly looking forward to his revisions, but they never came. Why?  

Dr Eli Goldratt died in 2011, at the young age of 64. He hadn’t even reached retirement age. He died from an aggressive lung cancer.

I was shocked and surprised when I heard Dr Goldratt had died. And nearly as heart-broken as when John Lennon was murdered in 1980.   Dr Goldratt had plans to revise his work and issue new publications. To me, it was just like Lennon who was working on new music when he died.

Of course, I did what many people would do, I Googled for more information. But a couple of phrases I read on the internet angered me.  One I saw said, Dr Goldratt, “passed away on June 11th after fighting a valiant battle with cancer.”   Another read, “Eli passed away on June 11th 2011 in Israel, when he went down fighting lung cancer”.   Why did these phrases anger me?

Eli Goldratt did not fight cancer. That was a lie.   He invited cancer. He cultivated the conditions for cancer. He was a heavy smoker.   His death was a tragedy. A tragedy he created.   In the end, Eli Goldratt’s death was not much different to that of Philip Seymour Hoffman, the prolific actor who died from a drug overdose.

There are millions of people across the world inviting cancer, cutting short their lives and goals.   And there are millions of people across the world inviting and encouraging their depression, simply by letting it fester, cultivating the conditions for it, drifting along without taking up the fight, without constantly questioning what really causes depression.   These people may not die, but they are wasted and wasting. Just like John Lennon in 1980 when he spoke of his depression by saying, “My defences were so great.  The cocky rock and roll hero who knows all the answers was actually a terrified guy. Simple.”

What are you inviting into your life?

Rodney Lovell

I Was Wrong

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Hands up if you know someone who is perfect!    Look around. Does anyone have their hand up? And nobody has their hand up around me either.   The bad news is, that means we’re not perfect.   Mistakes happen, errors are made….and my blog title is not as I’d like it to be.

Originally, my blog title was “Thoughts are Things”.   I liked it.   Although it was based on a quote from Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich” I thought it was a bit bland for a blog title. I preferred something with a bit of bite.   So I went for “The Glass is Half Empty”. Because, in a nutshell, the answer to overcoming depression is hidden in the ‘negative’ areas of life, not the ‘positive’!

But, I still wasn’t happy with that title, something didn’t seem right.   The statement, “The glass is half empty” is too definitive, because, like a battery, we need positive AND negative.   A better statement, I feel, is, “The glass can be half empty”.

So, I was wrong, and now I’ve changed my blog title.

Rodney Lovell

Do you know someone with urge incontinence? I bet you do, but you won’t know it.

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Now here’s a topic I never thought I’d find interesting… Urge Incontinence. Some people may know it as overactive bladder, or, detrusor instability.   Here’s why it’s interesting to me….

Urge incontinence affects millions of women. Millions!   But you wouldn’t know, because people don’t talk about it. So, if urge incontinence is not interesting to you, do me a favour please…pass this information on to the women in your life – friends, family, colleagues – because some of them WILL find it desperately interesting, you won’t know who, because they often don’t talk about it..

What is urge incontinence?  Briefly, urge incontinence is an uncontrollable urge to urinate, and the urge can be so powerful you may not have time to make it to a toilet.  It affects all ages & health types including young, fit, intelligent, healthy women.  

Often the only time you hear about incontinence is in ‘ jokes’ told by people who don’t care about the feelings of those around them, or, the myth that it only affects pregnant women or elderly women.

Will my doctor know about urge incontinence?  Urge incontinence is often treated by medication.   The medication often has hugely unpleasant side effects. In my work helping men overcome depression and discover peace of mind, I talk on the very unpleasant side effects of depression medication. It staggers me that the side effects are sometimes so bad, they alone could cause depression!   With urge incontinence,  statistics show only a low proportion of women persist with the medication long-term because of the side effects.   To me, the medical world is not always as helpful as it could be. RubiGraphicFull

The other commonly prescribed treatment for urge incontinence is bladder retraining. This theory, in a nutshell, is ‘hold on’ until a scheduled toilet break.    You’ve got to be joking!  We’re talking incontinence and your medical advisor is suggesting holding on!   Combine unhelpful medication with a ridiculous regime of bladder retraining and often the problem becomes worse! Dianne discovered that bladder retraining alone often makes the problem worse, so STOP NOW if you’ve found it not working for you. It can make your problem harder to overcome!   No wonder women don’t talk about it.   

But someone now is.   A fit, healthy, intelligent Australian woman who defies the urge incontinence mythical stereotype was one of the millions affected by urge incontinence. After enduring tests, studies, and unhelpful treatment she stopped seeing the close-minded medical professionals who were simply wasting her time. She has reclaimed the responsibility for her own health and discovered a practical set of steps that has led to her amazing recovery from  a life time of urge incontinence. Now, she is making this information available to women everywhere.

This is the information that millions of women want to know.

Based in Brisbane, Dianne Read is known as one of Brisbane’s leading educators of adults.  Dianne currently works as an educational consultant, creating instructional educational movies and training educators. She has an art of taking complex information and presenting it in a way that is easy to absorb. People taught by Dianne have said, “You changed my life”, and, “This is the best training I have ever received”.   Dr Mary McMahon has seen a lot of educational delivery in her time. She says, “Dianne Read is the best teacher I have ever seen”.  

For as long as Dianne can remember she endured urge incontinence …and she didn’t discuss it with anybody for the first 30 years!   Then she went to medicos.   Now Dianne is stepping out of the shadows and putting her name and reputation on the line for the benefit of those millions of women that she is passionate about helping. Most women take 6.5 years before they will see someone – that’s a terrible burden for women to carry.

In a world first, Dianne has created a cutting edge system for overcoming urge incontinence.   She is creating a new website and writing a book.   But first, she wants to get the information into the hands of women who want help NOW.    Dianne is personally presenting her new system in a live 2-day workshop. You can see what she does, ask questions  and clarify any point. So what is her system called?

“The RUBI technique.”  It stands for Relax Under Bladder Impulse, which women in the know would understand. With discretion in mind, The Rubi Technique is a user-friendly name, unlike some of the titles used in the medical world – “incontinence trial”, “bladder retraining”, etc.

The Rubi Technique is a brilliant system that incorporates do-it-yourself physical and cognitive techniques and new daily routines that are very different to old-fashioned bladder retraining. Additionally, Dianne will provide all the necessary information you need to know to overcome urge incontinence.

The steps within The Rubi Technique are all backed by science….it’s just that nobody has previously put these pieces together in this unique way and applied it to urge incontinence.

Dianne’s workshops are currently held in Carindale, Queensland,  and for those who want to fly in, it’s accessible by bus from Brisbane Airport.

Take back control of your own health. Urge incontinence is not a medical problem, it’s YOUR problem, so, to paraphrase what I say to guys with depression….If you think you’re stuck with urge incontinence, think again.

It’s time to discover peace of mind, it’s the adventure of a lifetime.

To good health…

Rodney Lovell

Lessons Learned from an Affair – Part 3. If you feel they’re being groomed, YOU possibly are.

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Each year, in a packed classroom, I speak with a group of gifted and talented primary school students  about some of the essential things they need to know about being gifted and talented.

One of those things is personal responsibility.   My gifted and talented wife, Dianne, is a great believer in personal responsibility.    She explains that if you put yourself into a dangerous situation, and something happens to you, then YOU are a key part of the problem. You are not THE problem, but a PART of the problem.   She explains as an example, if you are drunk at 3am in the rough part of town, YOU increase your chances of being mugged exponentially. YOU contribute to the likelihood of the problem occurring.

As I explain to the gifted and talented students, if a plumber accesses a sewer, what is he going to get covered in?   He’s doing nothing wrong, but it’s going to stick anyway.

Young women often wear skimpy clothes to nightclubs and bars.   Some say they should be able to wear anything they like without being harassed. I agree.   However, what they are forgetting is their logic only works if they are dealing with people who are balanced and follow society’s rules of conduct.   What if they encounter those in society who often seek to take advantage of a situation, for example, a narcissist, a manipulator, a paedophile, or a muslim who sees you as ‘uncovered cat’s meat’?   If you access the sewer…..

And the sewer can appear in the most unlikely places.  Here’s a couple of examples…

Former Geelong Hospital heart specialist Associate Professor Alexander (Sandy) Black,  “a substantial contributor to the community for many years”, has pleaded guilty to charges of knowingly possessing child pornography.   Amongst his stash, 39 movies contained acts of child penetration, and,  the material included images of child sadism/bestiality.

61 year old Sydney army cadet officer, Christopher Williams, was charged with using a carriage service to procure a person under 16 for sex.   Previously, he had been sentenced to 3 months gaol (suspended) after being convicted on fraud and forgery charges.   He was also disbarred as a lawyer and has worked as an Air Force cadet officer, at the volunteer coast guard association, Scouts, St John’s Ambulance and the Masonic library. According to a NSW police statement of facts, he exchanged about 2800 phone text and Facebook messages with a 13 year old girl, including this…  “If you want to do something to yourself, do something that will make you feel goodyu can always masturbate, that will make you feel terrific and keep negative thoughts away.”

My then-wife, her sister, and our families used to holiday together at a caravan park in Tocumwal, NSW. Our young daughters were of the age where we allowed them to go to a small lake to feed the ducks. What I didn’t know at first was that among the nearby campers at the lake was a man who wore a small pair of speedos who had an equally small dog. Now I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t begin talking to a group of 4 young girls whilst wearing nothing but speedos, oh, and having a tiny dog under my arm.   Of course, the girls were attracted to the dog, patting it and making a fuss.    When the girls came back to our van, they told us, their parents, about the ducks, the lake, the dog, and the man.    For me, alarm bells rang loudly. Not long before that holiday, I had read a news article by parents of an abused child. It included the ways paedophiles groom children, befriending them, giving them something nice to come back to, creating an air of trust, and grooming the parents into trusting them.   So, when my wife, her sister and her sister’s husband wanted to meet the man, I said, “NO”.

Off they went, and later came back happily telling me that the man was “alright” and I shouldn’t be concerned about our children playing with him and his dog.  In fact, they suggested I should meet him!   It seemed as if everything I’d read in the how-to-spot-a-paeophile article was unfolding before my eyes!   These people had given this man their trust after one brief meeting.  My paternal instinct was in overdrive and I could not believe that these adults would allow, and encourage, their children – and my children – to be in that environment.  Nobody else in the whole caravan park wore ONLY speedos, except at the river-beach. (Even I wore speedos at the beach.)

Who knows if I was right to suspect that man? To me, warning bells were ringing and I spoke with my children about not going to that area again. Meanwhile, my then-wife was encouraging them to go and feed the ducks!

The lesson from Part 2 of this series of articles was, Trust Your Gut. In this case I did. However, this led to my then-wife and I arguing incessantly. My children’s welfare was on the line, and despite what she said, I put my children above her concern of over-reacting.   We’ll never know if I was right or wrong, and I’m glad about that.

So fast forward 10 years… what do you do when your friend buys your 15 year old daughter a $400 ipod for her birthday, and an easter egg bigger than any you’ve ever bought yourself!   I’m thinking she, we, are being groomed for something. What?  I didn’t know.  I was confused, and my then-wife told me she was surprised and hadn’t expected a gift at all for our daughter.

Well, that’s not totally the truth. What she told Alan Workman in a ‘secret’ email to him regarding his giving of the gift, she says, “I knew you would still do it, and yes  she is thrilled with it.  I think the easter egg shocked me more than anything”.   Hmmm, it seems that the only thing my wife didn’t know about was the super-sized easter egg, but she knew far more than I did. I wonder why she told me something different to what she told Alan Workman.

One of the lessons from that experience was how hard I found it to say ‘these gifts are excessive and unacceptable’.  My then-wife said it was simply our friend, Alan Workman, being generous.   Alan Workman made a habit of buying people gifts. Large gifts.   I used to say to my then-wife, ‘It’s as if he buys people off.   It’s just like grooming.    The gifts make it difficult for people to say anything’.

In time, I knew my gut feeling about something being wrong, was right. How?  Because I found that the day after providing the gifts, Alan Workman emailed my wife to say, “I  have been thinking of your inner thighs and back.  Love the touch of your fingers on my stomach yesterday.  loved my hands around you (briefly) could do with more of that xxxx
So I had better find out what work I have to do today.  thinking of you in front of that fire, with champers and oil to poor over your back and thighs. Yumxxxxxxxx
Alan xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxmwaaxxxxxxxxxxxxxx”

Both Alan Workman’s wife and I didn’t know our spouses were having an affair. Grooming is a method of making people relax, or stay quiet, so they feel comfortable or obligated in an otherwise uncomfortable situation. It does not have to relate to paedophilia.   With Alan Workman’s ‘generosity’, I certainly felt uncomfortable about speaking out.

Although, I had already felt total unease when, during his birthday speech a couple of months earlier, Alan Workman, in reference to my daughters had said ‘I love those girls’…. I squirmed rather than spoke out.
And there was the time my daughter was invited by Alan Workman to stay at his home by the beach… I said NO to that, but my then-wife allowed her to visit with a friend.
Alan Workman once  bought my ex-wife’s parents a 4.5 litre bottle of Johnnie Walker scotch… Interestingly, I heard they also weren’t enamoured with Alan Workman, but decided, ‘It’s not our place to say anything’.   I wonder why they thought that?

And so on…..

Trust your gut. The lessons? If you feel they are being groomed, YOU possibly are, so speak up about what your rules and boundaries are.

Next in part 4:   More on grooming, aka ‘Wrestling’.

Lessons Learned from an Affair – Part 2. Trust your gut feeling, or, I’m a mate and I’m here to betray you.

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My ex-wife, Sheena, and I used to visit Alan Workman and his second, or was it third wife, every few months. Let’s see… first wife was Lynne.   Lynne was a school friend of Sheena’s and later worked in the same building as Alan & I.   Alan & Lynne married in 1984, one week prior to Sheena and I. Alan was about 32 and Lynne ten years younger.  I always thought their age gap was too big. I’ve since heard of the relationship age rule of thumb – halve your age then add 7. Anything less is too young.   And this rings true to me regarding Alan & Lynne.   They separated about 18 months later.  Interestingly, Lynne hated Alan so much that she has not even told her now-adult children that she has previously been married.

Next partner that I know of is Joan. Alan and Joan were together about 7 years.   I recall Alan boasting to Sheena and I that he walked out because ‘Joan and her kids were always arguing’.   That’s interesting, as we’ll see later .   Alan continued, ‘I sued her for $35,000 I loaned her’.   Another bitter split.   But, Joan and Alan were defacto, not married, although they were together longer than both his marriages combined.

And then there was Rosemary. They were separated less than a year after being married. Rosemary wrote to her friends…

Greetings

An Update.

To those who came and celebrated our marriage, gave gifts and smiled with such pleasure, you were probably surprised when I informed you of our separation in April this year.

We will divorce in April next year.

He loves someone else and always has….she also came to the wedding.

Guess I should have been more careful with invitations it seems!

 

Rosemary was furious with the betrayal by Alan and the betrayal by Sheena, someone who was a close friend. Rosemary’s elderly mother was very succinct. “Alan. You’re a rat”.   Imagine an elderly woman, who doesn’t swear, furious at this betrayal of her daughter. In this context, “You’re a rat” is scathing.   Rosemary used to say to Sheena and I, “You are the only couple we have as friends. All our other friends are single and mine. You are the only friends Alan has”.   Typically we’d go out to dinner, visit their home, or see a movie.    

Inevitably, I would not have a good time.   I had recently overcome depression and was on my way to discover peace of mind.   My attitudes and values had changed.    Alan was  still “good ol’ Al”. Just like the old days. Smiling while insulting someone. Saying things that others wouldn’t get away with.   That’s why his nickname was “Mad Dog” – always doing the shocking and unexpected.    I certainly did not like the way Alan would insult Rosemary’s young daughter (let’s call her Etta, then aged about 10 yo), calling her a ‘wilderbeast’ and other variants meaning fat pig.   I used to speak with Etta about her karate practice or school and try to re-direct the conversation. To my eternal regret, I did not stand up or speak up against what Alan did. You know, the ‘only joking’ scenario.   So how did Etta go after her mother’s divorce from Alan? Rosemary explains….

 

The fall out for me has been my kids, especially Etta who is just feral. I hardly ever have contact with her and if I ever mention Alan’s name she nearly goes berserk.

 

Wow.   Aside from his insulting of Etta, Sheena and I saw how Alan manipulated Rosemary. During our drive home, we’d discuss how Alan had constantly insulted Rosemary, and how she would do anything that Alan asked of her. She even told me stories about how Alan had bought her some wrestling gear so they could engage in his aggressive fetish with women.

My gut told me to leave this friendship with Alan. Yet, I didn’t. Soon enough Rosemary would be on the phone saying that Alan wanted us to go out again.

If we visited their house, somehow, Rosemary and I would end up in conversation in front of the tv while Alan and Sheena would be quietly chatting on the other side of the room.   On the way home, I’d say, “Alan seems to have the hots for you”.   Sheena would dismiss my argument as me paranoid. My gut feeling was strong.  As I trusted Sheena, I did nothing more. 

Alan wanted us all to go to France on a cycling tour. That was too much for me. My gut told me it was his way of getting  closer to Sheena. Alan would send Sheena letters and brochures. My response – “No chance France”.

One day we were leaving their home, and they walked out together holding hands!   I asked Sheena what that was about. She replied, they were just messing about. “It was nothing”.  Still, I trusted Sheena and did nothing more about it.

Alan often invited my daughters to stay at his home by the beach. My gut feeling was so strong that something was wrong, I would not let them.   But Sheena took one of my daughters and a friend and let them stay there.  But still I was too timid to break off our friendship with Alan.   Later, I heard that my daughter’s friend saw an “NQR moment” –  Nothing exactly wrong, just Not Quite Right! Alan and Sheena just a little too close, and a quiet whispering between them.

When Sheena and I were on the rocks, we had an agreement not to tell anyone of our troubles. We’d sort out the details of our imminent separation and then make an announcement. Along the way, Sheena suggested that I should have some to talk to. Someone independent. She suggested Alan Workman.  I said, “NO”.

And then Sheena suggested we have one last holiday together before we split.   I agreed.  But then she told me it was all arranged. Alan and Rosemary were holidaying at Rutherglen and attending a Chrismas in July at a winery. I said, “NO”.  Sheena said they had already paid for us. I repeatedly said, “NO”. Sheena persisted.  ‘They’ve already paid, we have to go’. I relented.

In the week leading to our holiday, Sheena and I had gotten on well. We’d been intimate, and I wondered if there was a chance of re-building our relationship. My gut feeling was warning me, but my logic was that nobody knew of our troubles, so we could work on it in confidence.  

But here’s what their email tells me was going on behind the scenes…   (the “RL” they refer to is me)

6 weeks before our Rutherglen holiday, when I was told that Alan had already paid for our room, he wrote this to Sheena. “What are you doing for the long weekend?  Want to visit?”   “Have you spoken to RL re Rutherglen?  We need to finalise shortly.”

Sheena’s reply. Would love to visit on long weekend but dont know about RL.  I am working all day Monday.  I was going to ask you guys up for a visit to see the dog for Etta, but that excuse has gone now.  I will speak to RL about Rutherglen and let you know.  May have to wait until then to see you.

Alan replies.  Speak to RL about Rutherglen and we can sort it out.

On another email he writes, Re Rutherglen, I will leave as planned.  Will leave it  up to RL to change anything.  No news is good news. 

To which Sheena replies, He seems fine with Rutherglen at the moment, changes like the wind. Hopefully we can all have an enjoyable time together for the last time.  : ))))

Alan sounds happy. I will ring later re Rutherglen.  Seems as though off we go xxxxx

Remember, I had been told that the trip had been arranged AND paid for. I was supposedly in debt.   But Sheena was happy too. Her email  to Alan continues  …… drive 15 minutes down the freeway and come and see me. : )))))   I could buy you coffee and we could  discuss Rutherglen, and I could give you a big hug.  Now isn’t that the best offer you have had today!!!!

And she finishes her email with, Thinking of you. mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxRutherglen only 10 sleepsxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

During this time, Rosemary’s sister, Cathy, was dying of cancer.   I met her at Alan’s small birthday party. She looked gorgeous in a blue dress with a stylish wig.   However she looked quite frightened when Mad Dog Alan stood behind her and threatened to remove her wig. Once again, I didn’t speak up, and I felt ashamed.

When Alan was giving his birthday speech, he was giving thanks to the people in attendance. There was about a dozen of us. My family made up 4 of them. And when Alan spoke about my daughters saying, “I love these girls”, I shivered in horror.  And although I refused permission to have them stay at “Alan’s home by the beach”, in hindsight that wasn’t enough, especially when Sheena would take them herself.

But although Cathy was dying Alan’s primary thought was not about supporting his upset wife, Rosemary, or her dying sister, Cathy, it was simply about getting Sheena to Rutherglen. Referring to his wife he writes, Battler on way home from work.  Nothing further re Cathy.  That is about it.  However, it all changes very quickly and without much notice. Prob the reason I have gone off wine for the time being.  hate to settle down to a glass and then get a call and off to hospital.  rutherglen will be the exception but I will dirve and wish to keep sober so that I can look aftter you xxxxx

 

Now I wonder what he means by keeping sober to look after my wife?   Maybe Alan’s next email gives some clues…

Rutherglen will be fun.  I see it was -7dg there yesterday morning (brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)

Ice cubes and toes.  Imagine a hot day and me running an ice cube over your stomach xxxxxxx

Gym tonight to work on,my back muscles xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx yum xxxxxxxxxxxx

Love the thought of you hovering over me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

mwaaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ice xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx you

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

So, despite our intimate week leading up to our departure, we got to Rutherglen and , once we arrived at Rutherglen she was as cold as the ice was outside.   At one stage, Alan and Sheena went for a walk without Rosemary or I.  I wonder what was on their mind?   Alan’s email may give a clue.   You have driven me mad with the pic of the SP thong!!!  You have the cutest butt.  I hope it can withstand my exploration activities I have planned for it xxxx

And later….

Nice pic you sent me from Rutherglen.  Much prefer raspberry sp.  Oh yes!!!!

mwaaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx lots xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

And later…yes, she did change her underwear to the raspberry color Alan had requested.

Rasb G completely made my day 🙂 God what a wonderful butt you have!!!!!!!  Am looking forward with much glee and anticipation to exploring it in some detail 🙂  God yes!!!!!

 

To which Sheena replied…

Sorry about the distractions.   I don’t want the hospital to have a fatal floor (sic-  flaw) in their computer system because i sent you a picture of my butt and you missed that one important factor of the program.  I could not live with myself.  :  ))))  Will keep distracting you if I can xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

And it continued, and continued……

 

My gut feeling during these times was not paranoia. Nor was it jealousy.  People who operate on those levels create problems rather than remove them.   However,  if you smell smoke……   And the evidence proved there was a roaring fire!

Next in the series, part 3…the similarity between paedophiles and Alan Workman.

Lessons Learned from an Affair – Part 1. Delete those photos of my butt!

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“Delete those photos” she demanded.   “But they’re mine. You gave them to me”, I replied.

These were the photos she had sent to my phone. Taken herself , her butt decorated by a rainbow assortment of G-strings, a couple bare skin, and, I’d only had them on my phone for a few months.    Surely this brief time wasn’t long enough. You see,  for twenty years I had endured a modern man’s lingerie nightmare.    Day after day I got to see my wife wearing daggy undies with the days of the week emblazoned upon them.   Undies her mother had given her years earlier.   Well-made undies unfortunately. They seemed to last forever!   And suddenly, to have her text photos of her butt to me? Wow, that was something I NEVER expected. EVER!

But now we were getting ready to separate and so she demanded that her butt-revealing underwear had to be removed from my phone.

 

We all have our own experiences, and if you look at your thumbprint it can be confirmed that we are unique individuals. Yet, if we all hold our thumbs up and compare them, we see that although we are unique, we also, actually, are VERY similar.

When I talk with people about overcoming depression and how to discover peace of mind, I find that many of these people want to know the stories…. how hard it’s been to endure a divorce, an  Intervention Order (IVO), a betrayal by a friend. They want to know how I came to have depression. What helped?   What hindered?  This public interest is what motivates me to write these articles.   In his book, Stumbling on Happiness, Harvard University’s  Professor Dan Gilbert says, “The best way to predict how you will feel  is to use someone else’s experience”.

 

One of the great benefits people receive when they overcome depression is that they can acknowledge their  mistakes. Let me clarify…. Although I can explain ‘reasons’ for having done things a certain way in the distant past, I no longer ‘have to’ rationalise or justify.

I believe what I write in these articles to be true.   Even if those characters involved in these stories want to argue about technicalities, it is easy to prove that what I write is substantially true. Why?  I have their own words in my files , yes, that they have written,  telling the story! Of course, much of it is my opinion.

I know that the people involved in this series of articles may have a different interpretation of events. During heated discussions, they have said, like our former Prime Minister Julia Gillard in her role in the illegal AWU Slush Fund, ‘I have done nothing wrong’.  The rebuttal to that defence is “If you did nothing wrong, what was it that you did right?”

 

In this series of articles, I will share with you some of my experiences so that you may learn from them. What did I do wrong? What did I get right?     You may not have a direct replica of my experiences, but yours may be similar enough, just like our similar thumbprints.

 

My thumb pushed the delete button, and the photos were gone from my phone.   She was relieved, I was sad.    And then I found the photos had reappeared on somebody else’s phone!   The phone of a mate. A mate whose wedding my wife and I attended just a few months earlier.    A mate who was a former boss of mine. A mate who I had shared a house with 25 years ago.   A mate named Alan Workman.

…and the lesson here?   If your wife suddenly changes her underwear selection and habits, something or someone, is on her mind.

 

A Sticky Situation

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A painter or a handyman?

Back in the summer of 2010, I remember one Sunday was particularly hot and humid. A typical Brisbane storm had drenched the city without any change in the temperature. Gushing gutters took away the water, and within twenty minutes the ground was dry.   But the increase in humidity was dramatic. Inside a small, rented unit, not too far from where I live, a fit but heavily pregnant young lady needed some supplies from the local store. She gathered her car keys, slipped on her shoes,  and opened the door…or at least she tried to open the door.   The door was stuck.   It did that from time to time. The increase in humidity swelled the door and made it stick a little. She’d been meaning to contact the owners to mention it, but a slightly sticking door wasn’t a big concern to her.   She was fit and always opened the door with a strong pull. Today, however, it was stuck well. Being a little more advanced in her pregnancy, her strength lagged.   She had a problem. She rang the owner.

My phone rang.  I listened to her story. I told her to leave the door unlocked and to stand clear of it. Within 10 minutes I was bounding up her stairwell. I turned the handle and slammed my shoulder into the door. It flew open.

Obviously, I couldn’t let this situation linger. I could’ve made the excuse that the cooler evening air would enable the door to shrink that minuscule amount that allowed the door to open easier. But that wasn’t going to be appropriate. I needed a screwdriver to undo the door, saw horses to rest the door on, an electric planer to take a few millimetres off the edge, drill and chisel to cut out new hinge recesses, paint & paint brush to repaint the edge, and any other little things that go with these type of jobs.   I needed all the tools and bits’n’pieces that I used to own but had given away back in 2006.

Briefly, I wished I still had all my old tools. Everything I’d acquired over twenty years when, like many blokes,  I used to maintain and improve the home I had lived in.  Rather than get a tradesman, I had a shed full of tools for paving, painting, building. Fixing washing machines, dryers and Christmas lights.   Plumbing, electrical.  Doors, walls, windows, floors.   Indoor or outdoor.    I’d done it all.   Now, I had nothing….except a phone, and one number. A painter or a handyman?

I rang Adam.   Adam the handyman.

I’ve used Adam to install locks, air conditioners and gates. Adam can repair nearly anything that’s broken. He can paint and pave.   Once, I asked Adam what he enjoyed doing most. He likes painting, but he enjoys the other trades because they give him variety. Adam reminded me that his portfolio of trades were all the skills he needed to be a complete handyman.   His description reminded me of other careers.  

Television presenters often have a career behind the screen – writing, producing, speaking, facilitating workshops and so on.

Some musicians write songs, sing, play an array of instruments, produce their album, and create album art. One of my old favourites, Jeff Lynne (from ELO), even learnt how to be a studio engineer.

Of course, housewives are extremely multi-skilled managing finances, people and a vast number of trades.

In my past, many of the roles I managed or worked in involved multi-tasking, such as, purchasing and procurement, warehousing and transport, finance and payroll, IT, database creation and testing, aircraPresenting can be done in many ways.ft load planning, administration and, system analysis. Yet, they all came under one heading – Supply Management.   These days I conduct Discover Peace of Mind workshops, give community talks, edit educational posters, provide voice for instructional videos, host receptions and events as Master of Ceremonies, marry people as a Marriage Celebrant, support the community as a Justice of the Peace, and complete all the little things that go with running a business.  Like Adam, I love having the variety, yet nearly everything I do is involved with my passion – presenting and connecting with people.

I have a different set of tools for presenting.   They are not at all useful for home maintenance!  One call to Adam and he got the job done.   What a relief….for both me and my tenant.   Sometimes I’m happy to pay a bill! As Harvey Mackay says (the author of “Swim With The Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive”), ‘If you can buy your way out of a problem, you don’t have a problem’. I wish I’d learnt that lesson earlier than I did!

 

Rodney Lovell

Another star admits drugs, and gets it wrong

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Eddie McGuire reports that former star Collingwood 1990 premiership player Gavin Crosisca has blown it all on drink and drugs.   He lost his house, business, coaching career and, for a while, his family.

Imagine the cost of losing your house, business and career. That’s big bucks. Then divide the pittance that’s left with your wife. She gets more because of the kids. You’re left with a hessian bag for a blanket, and compared to what they’re used to, you’ve condemned your family to live on nine-tenths of stuff all.   And that is simply the financial side.    How about the emotional toll on the children?   A lot of guys say, “They’ll be right”.    That’s a cop out.    This situation is not a great place for anybody, so the secret is to stop this scenario from happening.

Somebody MUST have the balls to break the cycle and make things happen. In the case of Gavin Crosisca, it seems he didn’t have the balls, his wife did. She was the one who got things moving, getting Gav into rehab. Nicole Crosisca writes how to save her family, she had to trick Gavin to get him to rehab.   Gavin knew he had a problem but simply didn’t deal with it.   Well, actually, he did deal with it – by hiding it.   Of course, his wife and family wore the outcome of his problem.  She kicked him out because of his poor behaviour.

Gavin is just another whose first repsonse was to blame others.  How many time’s have I seen that?   He knew he had a problem and still blamed others. No matter what the other person’s role, you MUST take responsibility for you, and it’s up to YOU to break the cycle.   It’s a defining moment in life. Who can make the big calls? Who can make the crucial decision under pressure? Can you?   Some guys think they can make the big calls through multi-million dollar deals, running large organisations, and hiring and firing. That’s nothing compared to potentially destroying your own family, and your own career.   So, no matter how ‘successful’ you may be in the corporate world, the challenge is to make the big calls where they really count – for YOUR family.

Gavin admits to covering his feelings and emotions. This is another symptom that is common amongst blokes. When guys deny they have feelings and emotions, they are saying they are independant of nature. Nature has given us feelings whether you like it or not. You CANNOT suppress feelings. Often, these guys get angry too. What is anger? It’s an emotion and a feeling!   They angrily deny what they are demonstrating!   Gavin even had the nickname of “Bagger” due to his confrontational attitude.   Gavin now admits that covering his feelings, in practical terms, was simpy telling lies and being manipulative and dishonest.

Things were so bad for Gavin Crosisca he spent 4 months in rehab. Remember, he didn’t have the balls to break the cycle, yet spent 4 months recovering. I hear of blokes who don’t want to spend two or three days with me to nip their problem in the bud.   “I haven’t got the time”, they say. So, often, their family will simply leave them, and leave them alone, except for the huge financial burden. Then they have time-off forced upon them.  Gavin Crosica says his problem started at 15. He thought he could grow out of it. ad he tackled his problem when he was 18, 25, or 36 he would have had a far different life to how it turned out. Fortunately, it’s never to late to discover peace of mind, as long as you start dealing with your problems NOW.

I commend Gavin Crosisca for recovering. He’s changed his life, his career, his attitude. So why do I think Gavin Crosisca gets it wrong. He said,  “That first drink, that was when I knew my addiction started”.   I can guarantee Gavin Crosisca that his addiction started before his first drink. The drink is just a symptom.   As if to explain his addiction, Gavin goes on to explain how his father and grandfather were alcoholics.    What is the underlying message there?    So what does that say to Gavin’s son?

I also think Nicole Crosisca gets it wrong. In her article she says, “Addicts are not responsible for their disease”.   I can only guess that Nicole has been told that by someone in the medical profession.    Firstly, addicts are ABSOLUTLEY RESPONSIBLE for their own lives. You may not be responsible for what happens to you as a child, but once you are an adult, YOU and only YOU are responsible for recovering from whatever has been thrown at you.   This applies regardless of whether you are addicted to alcohol, drugs, the gym, smoking, work, status symbols, anger, chocolate, green tea, tv, or any other addiction.   Is being addicted to green tea a disease? How about excessive tv watching?   Alcohol and drug taking is a symptom, not a disease. Depression is a symptom, not a disease. There are many in the medical profession who agree.   Saying these things are a disease is helpful to remove the stigma, but not helpful to someone who often blames external factors.  Blaming a ‘disease’ or ‘addiction’ or ‘addcitive personality’ is nearly like blaming someone else. ‘Oh, poor me, I have an disease that makes me drink too much alcohol.’   What’s the implicit suggestion in that type of belief?

Gavin Crosica has been through the wringer. A lifetime of problems, fractured marriage, and now he is happier than ever. He’s off the drink, drugs, and (hopefully) the excuses. He seems to have discovered peace of mind.   Yet Nicole goes on to say, “Recovery is day by day and for the rest of our lives”.   But if depression and addiction can be ‘triggered’, can recovery can be ‘triggered’?

Discover Peace of Mind in one weekend.   All you need is an open mind.

Contact me for your personal, one on one Discover Peace of Mind workshop.

Rodney Lovell

PS.   If Doctors’ prescribe exercise to overcome feelings of despondancy and depression and Gavin Crosisca was an elite footballer…..

 

 

The Power of Pumpkin Pie

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What will be your Pumpkin Pie Moment?

Eighteen hours flying, and another two hours to get through immigration and to our motel.  Then, a quick decision had to be made – to sleep, or, to eat?   Blearily, my wife and I agreed, and soon we were outside in the afternoon sunshine, looking for somewhere to eat on the streets of suburban San Francisco.

The little coffee shop we discovered looked perfect. Not only did we want something to eat, we chose to have something ‘different’.   Pointing at a selection of food on display, we found we had ordered pumpkin pie.   We’d never discovered Pumpkin Pie before.  During my life, nobody talked about pumpkin other than mashed or boiled , and do you want sprouts with that.  Hesitantly, we took a bite, and discovered a new sensation.   We looked at each other – “Why hadn’t we had this back home (in Australia)?”

Well, why hadn’t we?

(1. Insert your answer here, but, don’t answer aloud if you’re on a train or bus – people will look at you strange…)

 

We’d both just had a belief change – a “Pumpkin Pie moment”. Previously, Pumpkin Pie was one of those things that ‘somebody else’ had.   Pumpkin like that? Impossible.    After tasting it, how did Pumpkin Pie sound to us now?

For the remainder of our trip, Pumpkin Pie, was regularly ordered. Yet, when we returned to our normal environment back home, what do you think happened?   Yep, no Pumpkin Pie.

Why?

(2. Insert your answer here….)

One year passed, then suddenly I heard those words again. “Pumpkin Pie”.   And soon we were outside in the afternoon sunshine, looking for somewhere to eat on the streets of suburban Brisbane.  We found “Carolina Kitchen“, a little taste of the USA right here near home.

But why rely on someone else to provide me with Pumpkin Pie. What would be better still?

(3. )

That’s right, and all I had to do was find a suitable recipe. Then I can have Pumpkin Pie whenever I want to, with or without pecans on top.

 

Now, reread the above, but substitute the words “pumpkin” or “Pumpkin Pie” with “Peace of Mind“.

It may sound a bit strange in places, but if you get the gist, you will understand that obtaining Peace of Mind, especially if you are overcoming depression, may sound impossible, but it’s not.

So try new things, because if you think you’re stuck with depression, think again. The greatest satisfaction will be where you least expect it to be. Possibly in a ‘half empty glass’. And that will be your Pumpkin Pie moment.

 

Discover peace of mind….it’s the adventure of a lifetime.

Rodney Lovell

 

ps – the best pumpkin pie recipe is at pickyourown.org

 

Here is how easy it is to lose trust…

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Lack of trust is not just the domain of ‘used car sellers’, it is obvious in areas such as politics, workplaces, many Ebay sellers, local clubs, and even amongst family and neighbours. The stock market can show us a very simple example of how to lose trust – Make a statement, then don’t back it up.

Of the many companies that have lost my trust, such as Clean Seas Tuna, Matrix Composites, Neptune Marine, and Nufarm, Rodinia Oil, an exploration company, provides the latest example. On 4 May 2011, they proudly announced that their join venture partner, EnSearch, was no longer under Administration. WooHoo! Rodinia went on to say how they had “liaised extensively with them in order to protect and secure its financial and operational positions”. Well done Rodinia! Rodinia is managed by very experienced people overseen by a very expereinced board. Obviously they know what they are doing. They had plans to drill 4 wells with an option to drill some more.

However, by November 2011, just 6 months after Rodinia assured us of ‘securing its financial and operational positions’, they have served “default notices on its Officer Basin joint venture partner for failure to pay its share of costs”. This joint venture partner has responded by serving dispute notices on Rodinia! “The parties are about to commence a dispute resolution process”. “Rodinia’s ability to finance its future operations is dependent upon its ability to obtain new sources of financing and the existence of economically recoverable hydrocarbons.”

The management and Board of Rodinia, experienced in their field, have made a statement about “securing” their positions ,and, planned to drill 4 wells. Instead they have drilled and abandoned 2 wells, and placed themselves in a disputed position.

Of course, “Rodinia will be conducting a comprehensive review of operations for 2012” and “opportunities are currently being evaluated, with interest being expressed by several oil and gas companies.”

Here we are in April. No resolution to anything. No update at all to investors. It’s not just Rodinia have done or said, or what they have omitted to say or do. There is also implied meanings. Fine print is obsolescent.

How to get people to trust you

Trust has evaporated.

If you’re a rosy, glass half full type of person, how would you look at this situation? To me, the glass is half empty, warning bells are ringing and the drop from $2.10 to 10 cents is indicative that no matter what expertise the board and management have, it hasn’t meant much at all.

What does this mean for you and I? In simple terms, if we want to be trusted, be trustworthy. Look inward and evaluate what you do and say to others. Are you trustworthy? Look inward to do better outwardly.

I often make a statement that I can help people overcome depression in 3 days, sometimes less, provided they have an open mind. A recent client said he learnt more in one weekend with me than 9 years with a psychologist! 9 years!
The psychologist no longer asked questions, checked progress, or requested the client’s opinion, just wrote another medication prescription. Would you continue to trust?

Trust will often be broken or misplaced, however, life is to be managed not mastered. Only then can you truly Discover Peace of Mind.

Rodney Lovell