You are currently browsing the archives for May, 2009.

Networking…we all do it.

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Whether we chat in the playground while waiting for the kids or when we meet someone at a work or a party, Australia’s networking expert, Kate Brighton, says networking is vital.   Kate is a mover and shaker in networking, and suggests that anyone who is serious about their business keeps in contact with all their contacts.   And I suggest to you, that if you are seriously looking to Discover Peace of Mind in your business, get in contact with Kate Brighton.    katebk@mac.com

Rodney Lovell

Suspend your disbelief!

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I had a very enjoyable time last Wednesday, presenting the Discover Peace of Mind Super Session in Brisbane.   3 jam-packed hours…actually, the audience was happy to go overtime so we added an extra half hour.

It’s always a buzz to suspend disbelief and display the power of imagination by having someone rigidly suspended between two chairs. That’s right, one of the participants rests their head and shoulders on one chair with their feet on another chair AND without bending in the middle!  First to try this was Dianne.   In under 60 seconds she was stiff as a board, being safely lowered onto the chairs.   And to demonstrate that you don’t have to be petite to do this, the next person to be lowered onto the chairs was big Russ.   Russell is a big man, and he was thrilled to find how he could master his mind. On a personal note: If I’m going to have the big guys on the chairs, I’d better get back into some weightlifting!

This weekend I’m off to Melbourne for another Super Session, this time at the Ashburton library complex.   Come along, it’s the adventure of a lifetime.

 

Suspend Disbelief

Suspend Disbelief

Who Controls YOUR Mind?

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Who controls your mind?   Before you read on… Stop, think.   What is your answer?  

Recently I attended a seminar by a world leader in self-development who thundered,  ‘You control your own mind. Go and live the life of your dreams’.   Hundereds of thousands of people attend courses like his all over the world. “Take control of your mind” is a message that is repeated over and over and over again.

Yet, we DO NOT fully control our own mind. To be told we can is wrong.   Many people leave self development courses inspired, excited and  motivated but then ultimately become disillusioned when it seems the message is for everyone but them. 

There are parts of ourselves that we can’t control at all.   Try, by using your mind, to control your blood flow or any internal part of yourself. Go on, think positively. You can do it. Control your mind, control your blood flow. 

Sorry, that can’t be done. Nature handles that part of us.

Other parts of us can be fully controlled for long periods of time. Try gently rubbing your hands together. Think clearly, keep touching.

Yes, that is much easier.

Some parts of us can be controlled for short periods of time.   Blow out all your breath. Now hold your breath. Concentrate. Try harder.   Ok, how about breathing in first. Take a deep breath in and hold.   That should help you along a little more, until the inevitable. Gasp, gasp. Nature takes over.

But what about your mind? Can you control it or not?    Clearly, we can’t control all aspects of our body. In time, we even stop doing something as simple as gently rubbing our hands together.   In simplistic terms our mind is no different to any other part of our body.   So it is puzzling that  many experts often incorrectly state that you can ‘control your own mind’.  Try doing anything indefinitely. It can’t be done, no matter how you control your mind.   There are limits. They exclaim, ‘You can be, do and have anything you want’ ….Or can you, if there are limits?

Think of a child learning to swim.   In water, a baby has an instinctual survival mechanism that copes better than a toddler.   Not infallible, but definitely a little better. As the child gets older, he either splashes and gasps, or, learns to breathe in when his head is tilted to the side. He breathes out when his face is back in the water.    To do this takes concentration and he learns in steps.  He has to consciously bring the unconscious act of  breathing into his consciousness.  Step 1, stand in the shallow end, put your face in the water and blow bubbles.   Over time, he adds kicks and swimming strokes and so the modulated breathing becomes easie. But if he gets his timing or thoughts wrong, he may cough and splutter when he takes in a mouthful of water. When the swimming technique is mastered, a swimmer can breath normally in or out of the water without conscious thought. The change between breathing pool side and after diving into the water is handled at an unconscious level.  

What was an unconscious act was brought into consciousness, mastered, and then returned to the unconscious.

When we are young, we believe in all sorts of myths.   Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, Monsters, our parents always being right. Over time we get rid of these myths from our beliefs. Well, most of them. Some, like our parents being right, tend to hand around a little longer, and then other myths get added. Usually to our own detriment. Not many people believe empowering myths. They always seem to be disempowering and depressive. These myths are the foundation of what we build our lives on.   

After attending a motivational seminar, it doesn’t really matter what you try to do if you have faulty foundations.   And believe it or not, nature does give you a purposeful flaw.   There is no way anybody can avoid nature’s flaw. The difference is in how we handle it. Most people handle it by good luck, not good management.

The average man and woman drifts through life living whatever life they find themselves in. There is nothing inherantly wrong with this. They work, struggle, make do, celebrate, commiserate.   Often, they have unfulfilled dreams but when trapped in the daily grind they have no energy to create their goals. But that is where people with depression have an advantage.

Depressed people are generally not much different to the average man and woman.   Many depressed people can mask their unhappiness and live reasonably normal lives, which indicates that the depth to their depressed feelings is the only difference. People with deeper depression find it difficult to function on a daily basis. Again, they are not much different to the average person. It is simply a deeper feeling of depression.   Depression is a feeling. Feelings influence your thoughts, your mind.   So why do depressed people have an advantage?

Often the absolute pain of depression drives a person to desperate extreme action. Some scream, “I’ve had enough” and fight and cause pain to others. Some scream, “I’ve had enough” and take their own life. These people, generally, want to change how they feel, but they refuse to see any need for them to change anything.   They become master justifiers waiting for a magic wand to change everything.    But others scream, “I’ve had enough” and use the pain as a ‘negative motivator’ to springboard out of depression and create their goal.   In this last instance, inevitably, they have an open mind.   The resignation of hitting rock bottom, where they will do and try anything is the type of open mind many seek through meditation. They are propelled to a level that that the average person is not.

The next time someone approaches you in anger, note that your automatic reaction will not be a happy one.  You will have some sort of defensive feeling, fight or flight.  Conversely, note when someone approaches you in a friendly, happy manner. You are likely to smile back. Or at the very least you will not be so defensive as in the first example.   You are not controlling your mind in either of these examples.  However just like a swimmer’s breathing, you could, for example, train yourself to smile at everyone who smiles at you.  What is an unconscious act can be brought into consciousness, mastered, and then returned to the unconscious.

That is one of the keys to overcoming depression…  Or any other unproductive symptom in your life. Unconscious acts and thoughts need to be brought into consciousness, dissected, practised, mastered and then returned to the subconscious.

If you always fully controlled your own mind, when did you start? When you were old enough to drive? Maybe when you started school? How about when began to talk?   Or maybe when you went to one of those get-rich-quick seminars.   When did you first control your mind?

You don’t have to have depression to learn the powerful system that nature has provided for us. Anybody can learn about nature’s intentional flaw. Yes, it causes depression.   But the same flaw that leads to depression also branches out and leads us to find love and relationships!   The same flaw is what drives our need for fulfillment….and our search to DISCOVER PEACE OF MIND.

Rodney Lovell

Mythbusters – The Myth of Tough Men

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Hands up, all those people who know somebody who is perfect. If you have your hand up, who are you referring to?   On the flipside, who is referring to you. Nobody, right?   So…nobody is saying that you are perfect. Do you think you are perfect?   You may be good, bad or otherwise, but  are you perfect? No.

Alright, we agree, nobody is perfect.

Excuses…there can be a million of them.  Hands up all those people who make excuses to justify the things they do, what they own, how they look and the things they want to avoid.   Unless you live in denial, you have agreed that you are not perfect, and, you make excuses.

Sometimes, those excuses are valid reasons and sometimes cheap excuses that don’t quite make logical sense. No matter what some may say, we all do both.

Which brings me to one of our communities biggest myths of all time. Perpetuated over many years and reinforced by men who hide.

The myth is“It is not masculine to seek help for mens problems, particularly health issues.”

Without realising it, many men believe this myth. Logically, it does not make sense to keep a problem simply to avoid getting help. Yet, when men are faced with their own personal situation for which they may need help, they make excuses to avoid being helped! 

I know men whose family beg them to give up smoking. Yet, the men say it is not a problem. If your family is genuinely begging you for anything, you have a problem.

Plenty of men wont have a health check.   “There is nothing wrong with me”, they proudly say. Ok, so get checked. Find out just how good you are – it shouldn’t be a problem.

Other men are scared of needles, waiting rooms, the doctor’s latex gloves, and sometimes even the potential results. Most are scared of what their friends may say.

I knew of a man who wouldn’t get tested for a suspicious bump because he didn’t want to have cancer. His delay allowed the cancer to worsen. Another man had a severe burn. Not getting it seen to resulted in an amputation.   A former champion sportsman began to drink and smoke because his ‘friends did it’.   He was diagnosed with a life threatening illness and gave up drinking and smoking for just one day. He wanted to continue to fit in with his friends. Too many men have depression, anger and family problems yet are not responsible enough to seek assistance.   One man even said he preferred an alcoholic haze to a depressive one, so added alcoholism to his problems.  I’ve heard a lot of excuses. Most relate to denial, “I dont….”; “I don’t need to….”   They sound like little children.   If we are not perfect, it sometimes helps to logically consider another persons opinion.

Some men will read this article and try to pick it apart….”What about women”, or, they will simply insult me, or, go to the extreme trying to twist my words that if you have a little cut on your finger I’m telling you to see a doctor.   They are the men with something to hide. Somethings to be scared of.  

 If you have a problem, get out of your comfort zone and seek assistance.   If you can’t even out of your comfort zone that itself is a sign you need help.

I include CEO’s of multi-nationials, labourers on work sites, sportsmen, artists, the unemployed.   What your vocation is and how good you are at does not prevent you from having a personal problem.

True courage is defying common opinion and I’m waiting to see who can stand up for their responsibility, to face down friends who may ridicule them, to defy the myth of men not seeking assisitance.

Some men simply think that toughness and courage is fighting or hitting. Some men deny their emotions and yell in anger. Yet fighting and yelling ARE displays of emotion, just not in a helpful way.

I once fell for the myth. I did things of which I am not proud. Yet I always saw myself as a normal guy, trying hard to get ahead in life, to provide for my family.   The greatest thing I ever did was to begin the process to Discover Peace of Mind. It took me a long, long time.  Putting what I learnt in to a system format  allows you to stop smoking in under two hours or Discover Peace of Mind in 3 days or less.

I’m not here to knock men. I’m here to point out the stupidity of following a common myth.

Whatever your problem is, take action, show true courage and toughness,  get some assistance. Defy the myth.

Rodney Lovell

White Wreath Day, May 29, in rememberance of victims of suicide.

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My brother and I used to play junior Aussie rules football with Paul Hester at South Belgrave. Paul was a funny guy who once tried to kiss one of the opposition players! That certainly made the opposition forget about the chasing ball, while they tried to ‘take out’ Paul whenever he got the ball.   Paul got the ball often. He was a very good player.   He played in the centre and became captain of our team.   

With interest, we watched from afar as he went on to become famous as a drummer for Split Enz and Crowded House.  Paul was our opportunity to name drop.   “See the drummer? That’s Paul Hester…used to play footy with him”.

It was incredible to hear the news that day when he ended his life.   Being in this line of business I took an extra interest.   Outsiders like me don’t see the inner turmoil that is revealed only to those closest. The news carried stories from his loved ones and closest friends how Paul was often depressed yet was also so upbeat.   It is no revelation that those who laugh most often mask pain.

Paul’s diary extracts from when he was 8 were interesting. Not wanting to be in trouble, but to become famous amongst other things.   Despite our parents best endeavours, most of our troubled adult years have their roots in childhood.   We simply build on faulty foundations.

Paul’s life illustrates that fame, fortune and finding your goals are not a prevention against depression. Depression has it’s roots in our “Identity-Impression State”, which is a step beyond self esteem and way out of our conscious mind. It is as natural as breathing, and like breathing can be modulated. Think of a swimmer modulating their breathing to produce a great result. They can’t stop their breathing but they can have it assist them.

The Identity-Impression State is created by the “Identity-Impression Dynamic”, a natural process that begins at birth.   It is nature’s way of creating a flaw in each of us. This flaw leads to many outcomes among which are depression, and  how we attract a partner.   The Identity-Impression Dynamic” is too detailed to discuss in this post, and is covered in full at my 3 day Discover Peace of Mind workshop.

White Wreath Day is our day to remember those like Paul who were yet to Discover Peace of Mind.   Many men and women have mild depression or similar symptoms yet refuse to seek treatment. One man I know of says he regularly ‘gets depressed’ but ‘doesn’t have depression’.   It’s like binge drinkers saying they drink a lot but they are not alcoholics. They may not be full alcoholics but are in fact a variation of it – they are ‘social alcoholics’.   My car isn’t broken down but it does cough and splutter a lot. Should I get it seen to? Of course.   Anything less and I’d be in denial.

And like  a car coughing and spluttering, the breakdown can be sudden. So if your motor isn’t running smoothly, don’t fall for the old myth of ‘toughing it out’. That is one of the all time great pieces of rubbish.   I should know. I fell for it once.

There are various activities to commemorate White Wreath Day.   See  http://www.whitewreath.com/ for details.

And so I will remember Paul…and Fiona….and Ross, and think of their families.

 

Rodney Lovell

Paradox – The Universe’s Secret

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Once upon a time, I didn’t even know what the word, “Paradox” meant.   Once upon a time, I also didn’t think that humans were governed by the laws of nature, also known as, “The Universal Laws”.

During my journey to Discover Peace of Mind, I read Emerson’s Essay titled Compensation.   It reminds me a little bit of an early version of “The Secret”.   Basically, Emerson says that all positves have a negative and all negatives must have a positive balance. Yin and Yang; Positive and Negative. Whatever you like to call it, there is two sides to everything.

Some of my client’s greatest breakthroughs come when they realise this simple fact.   Embrace the negative, for within its crusty shell lies a pearl of wisdom waiting to be discovered.   

Loving parents everywhere urge their children, “Be careful, don’t hurt yourself”.   Yet if that lesson is well learned, what will that child do as a young adult?   Be careful!   When a young adult, the very same parents may urge, “try something new, live a new experience”. However, the initial lesson has been well absorbed. it is now stored in the warehouse of the mind.   And so the young adult may continue through life, challenged that whenever they want to begin something new they procrastinate instead. The pull of chasing a goal is strong, yet the need for safety, to be careful, overrides.

An achieved goal can lead to fulfillment. Being careful (safety) leads to frustration, anger, depression and other negative symptoms.

Two of our most basic needs are the need to feel fulfilled and the need for safety.   Life’s paradox in action!   Fulfillment rarely comes without risk, and ‘comfort zone’ safety rarely comes without frustration.

Unfortunately many adults have partners who are like the ‘Be Careful’ parent.   While the ‘Be Careful’ partner seems happy, well adjusted, in control of life, the other, who is being careful, becomes depressed because they are not allowed to explore, to attempt new things. Their fulfillment is being stifled.   Paradox in action.   And society looks at the depressed person as the one having the problem!

Too many adults have learned the ‘Be Careful’ lesson too well, becoming frustrated, angry, depressed.  As adults, we need to take a lesson from the naturally curious state of a developing child, combined with, a better lesson from the loving parent.   A child doesn’t stay within it’s comfort zone. It explores, it tests itself, it learns, it falls, it cries, it smiles.   And the knowing parent says, “You can explore. I will be here as a safe place for you to return to”.   

Exploring the world and testing yourself can feel risky, but adds to your level of fulfillment.   Adding another person to the equation, your partner, is where things seem complicated.   If both Discover Peace of Mind, free from fear, both will support the other and you will each explore your interests.   Separately exploring together – life’s paradox. A universal secret.

Rodney Lovell