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What would you do?

posted in: Violence (Tags: , , , ) - No Comments

Recently, I had an conversation with a client whose ex-wife has moved in with a ‘working man’ who enjoys watching and simulating sexual violence.The problem for my client is that both his daughters are living in the same house and he doesn’t want this man’s influence, innuendo or state of mind to affect his daughters.

It’s an interesting point because women who become victim to abuse, either verbal or physical ALWAYS later say, “How did I get into that situation?”   The easiest answer is “INCREMENTALLY”.

These men don’t have a plan because they operate at a sub-conscious, immediate gratification level.   In practical terms, they simply test your limits. A comment here, an inappropriate touch there, and it is the woman who suddenly finds herself in the awkward position of trying to say NO. Each time you don’t say NO, allows them to try something a little riskier next time.   Suddenly, you’re fighting them off in the broom closet and saying, “How did I get into this situation?”

Often, the man will pose the comment or act as a joke. If you say NO, their response is, “Can’t you take a joke”, which belittles you and keeps them safe.

Therefore, my clients concerns about his daughters are valid. Although the ‘working man’ may not physically touch them, he is incrementally belittling them and adding innuendo to conversations, so smut becomes the norm. If they speak up, they are shouted down, and incrementally they become politely submissive. This can have a dramatic effect on other relationships the daughters may have in their future.

Unfortunately for my client, his ex-wife has not yet reached the stage of “How did I get into this situation?”, and so she indirectly & unknowingly supports the negative influence on her children. Nor does she realise the slow drain on her own self-respect. Inevitably, her family and other outsiders will see what is developing but they will not say anything. It’s been proven that in awkward situations, rather than tell the truth,  people often tell you what they think you want to hear! So, you can’t rely on family and friends to save your bacon when it’s clear to everyone but you that you’re making the wrong decisions!

Without ‘insider’ support my client is practically powerless to alter the situation his ex-wife has imposed on their daughters. What would you do?

Is this a good influence?

Live outside the Matrix

posted in: depression, Imagination (Tags: , , , , , , ) - No Comments

Have you seen the movie, The Matrix?  If you haven’t,  I urge you to do so. I’m not a big sci-fi fan, but I loved this movie.  

Billions of people roaming through life as best they know it. For Mr Anderson, aka Neo, life is missing something. Without  fulfilment, acceptance, control and energy,  Neo delves into his one passion,  which links him to new acquaintances.   For so much of the story, Neo is looking for answers.

During his journey Neo begins to recognise his inherent talent. He has hope, which quickly fades as his questions are unanswered. His belief begins to waver.  At the point where Neo is most in need of his amazing talent, he is ambushed and is suddenly shot. This analogy is so similar to the spirit of people who suffer from depression. Glimpses of hope. Recognition of talent and passion. Looking for answers. Often their spirit is ambushed….and in its weakened state spirit is easy to kill off.   A man with no spirit is quickly fading, not vitally thriving. All that survives is a faint glimmer of hope.

At his moment of ultimate darkness, Neo returns to life. The most infinitesimal illumination is brightest in a dark room. Having hit rock bottom, he can drop no further. His resurrection is wonderfully sudden. As quickly as he was shot down, he is able to rise….but with the benefit of his journey, he now sees the answer.  He could not have arrived at this point without his failures to learn from.  Nature is an amazing thing. Mistakes and challenges lead to advancement, fulfillment, control, acceptance and safety. Experience leads to growth….sudden growth.

A question can be answered in a few seconds. If that answer resonates with you, your change can be that sudden…a few seconds.    Just look how quickly your mood can change when somebody dangerously cuts you off on the freeway, or, when you get promoted.   It’s the same to escape  depression.    The moment of change can be sudden.    Your career may take some years, but the promotion is simply a moment in time. Your drive may be just a few kilometres, but being cut off takes just a moment.    Your life has taken many years to reach its current point and along the way, there has been many ‘moments’.  You will be reading this for a reason, so you will be looking for your moment, your answer.

For me, I escaped depression in under one hour. Firstly, one simple phrase was the answer I was looking for. Secondly, a trip to the library to research my new understanding was enough to lift weights from my shoulders that I’d been carrying for years. I saw the world in a whole new way, recognising systems, signs, and symptoms.

But knowing the answer is not enough for lasting fulfillment. Neo, and I, had to apply these new insights. Knowing the answer can help you escape from depression.  It is the application of knowledge that is the ultimate transformation.    

 I see people time and time again who say to me, ‘Yes, I know that’. They know it intellectually, but they certainly do not apply what they know.   The word “but” is used a lot. ‘ I know it, but…’   The answer must be lived, not filed.   You can be a beacon of inspiration by doing no more than your daily routine, and yes, it must be a different routine than what you have now.

Neo coupled his new knowledge with application and conquered The Matrix.   His results were astonishing….like yours will be.  

If you think you’re stuck with depression, think again. Discover Peace of Mind.

Happy new year,

Rodney Lovell