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Another month begins – What do you do?

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5:42 pm 5:42 pm

Happy new month! How’s all those resolutions going?   I once kept my new year’s resolution for 23 years. It was – “Don’t make resolutions”.   I was very proud of keeping that resolution, until I realised that not making resolutions meant the progress in my goals was minimal. Hmmm.

So here I am at the beginning of another new month, and I’m updating my resolutions. Some, I’ve found, have a use-by date, or don’t form part of my bigger goals. It’s good to have a clean out, and to confirm that other goals remain.  There is a lot of groaning, planning and thinking.  I’ve used a variety of methods to keep track of my goals and their progress.

Life is to be managed, not mastered.  How do you manage your goals each month?

What do you do for fun?

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10:55 pm 10:55 pm

I like reading Paulo Coelho books. If you know The Alchemist, you’ll love his others too.  A few weeks ago, I finished The Zahir. The message I took from the book is that my life journey continues. It doesn’t stop with finding treasure.  On my recent flights to & from Kuala Lumpur, Langkawi, Jakarta & Phuket, I had a great chance to read some of the smaller books in Paulo’s collection: The Devil and Miss Prym, and, By The River Piedra I Sat Down & Wept.    One of the constant themes throughout Paulo’s work is to do new things, feel alive, try something different.   And so it was with great pleasure that I arrived in the hustle and bustle of Jakarta, Indonesia to find my eldest daughter Jayde and her English school.

Jayde Lovell is a marvel. Yes, she is my daughter and yes, I am biased. Yet I defy anyone to argue with her record of trying new things.   Like, attending a world environmental mission in the USA, staying in host accommodation.   Oh, but aged 8.   Attending and presenting to a world conference on the endangered pantagonian toothfish.   This time aged 14.   Tackling Year 11 mathematics whilst in Grade 4.  Becoming a black belt karate teen.   Organising a political conference at 18.   Sitting on media discussion panels and even appearing on tv in Australia’s “A Current Affair” .   Beginning a science club….the list goes on and on.

And so I arrived in Jakarta to visit Jayde and her English school, “Melbourne International School of Language“, aka MILS. (http://www.mils.or.id/)   The streets reminded me of the crazy traffic of Kabul.   The city’s style reminded me of Manila – dense and old.

Jayde had decided that she wanted to establish an English language school to teach to Indonesians.   At the same time, she wanted to learn the Indonesian language.   Of course, what better place to learn to ride a motor cycle than on the mad streets of Jakarta. And to top it off, live in an Indonesian apartment building, whilst paying herself an Indonesian wage.   What a challenge!   What an adventure!

While many young adults travel to the UK to work in pubs, or to the USA to work in holiday camps, I think that Jayde’s adventure is certainly another level all together.

Yet, we don’t have to have extreme adventure to feel alive, to try new things, to help Discover Peace of Mind.   Sometimes, simply walking a different street at night may be all one needs. I’m sure you can think of new or different things that make you feel excited, challenged or adventurous.

If you’re looking for ideas, read a Paulo Coelho book, or, visit Jayde in Jakarta.

Rodney Lovell

Are you more than a Training Track Star?

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4:24 pm 4:24 pm

It’s been an interesting few months since I added to my blog. Why?

Imagine your computer being stolen…while it was in use and not password protected!   Then imagine synchronising hundreds of your phone contacts onto your new replacement computer and having the system malfunction, wiping 95% of your contacts.    Then, imagine your Western Digital backup failing and corrupting data.   Then after setting up your new replacement Asus computer, imagine it having the hard drive failing. Imagine being all alone while it happened. Your work is gone. Your notes are gone. Your contacts are gone.   Your photos, jokes, email, passwords, references…all gone.   Your electronic life has simply disappeared.

What would you do?

It’s times like that when we are really tested. All the ‘positive’ talk, the knowledge of overcoming adversity, how to overcome depression and how to appropriately express anger put to the test. Perseverance, resilience, cracking under the strain.

During my years in business, I constantly encountered systems that failed under pressure.  Justification from managers, staff, IT experts, “Oh, we had an emergency, so we had to dodge the system”, without a care in the world of the impact to other system users.   A system is not a good system if it doesn’t work when it’s most needed.   Similarly, if a ‘life coach’ cannot cope under pressure, what good is what they teach?   I’ve seen some of the world’s best presenters up close and cracking.    A sound fault during a presentation, or, a response they did not expect, and they cracked on the spot.

When I played footy, there were plenty of players who were brilliant on the training track, but under game pressure, when the team needed them, they went missing. Training track stars.   Finals football has commenced here in Australia and we get to see who will step up and handle the pressure and who will be a training track star.

So, when the computer was stolen, I had a choice. Be a training track star and just use fancy words to others, or, face down the agony and disappointment and work on getting back to business.   There is still a long way to go. My schedule is now thrown out and I’ve had to postpone many plans. I’m pleased that I faced this obstacle and prevailed. It was my mind equivalent to finals football. Sure it wasn’t without frustration, tears, and occasional feelings of hopelessness. However, I often talk about being a beacon of inspiration to yourself as well as those around you and this was great opportunity to remind myself that I am on track.  It’s no crime to Discover Peace of Mind and pat yourself on the back when you know you’ve done well.

Now, imagine that all those computer problems happened to the person closest to you.   Their tears on your shoulder.

I helped.  We’re back.   Now, it’s time to catch up.

Rodney Lovell

Michael Jackson – HIStragedy

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8:31 pm 8:31 pm

Michael Jackson died today. A moment in history for the world – a tragic day for his children and his family.michael_jackson

Many of us forget that Michael is a person, not just a performer. A fragile heart covered by electric dance moves. In an interview with Barbara Walters, he specifically mentioned that the ‘Wacko Jacko’ lines hurt. He had a heart like anyone else. He felt the pain. He asked for it to stop. He wasn’t Wacko Jacko. He was “Jackson”. His only defence was his music and dance, even feeling the need to name his greatest hits compilation HIStory as a reminder that there are two sides to any story.

In Martin Bashir’s “Living with Michael Jackson” documentary, Jackson complained that he couldn’t go anywhere, including shopping, without a crowd gathering. Yet, I suspect his shopping trips where so many fans awaited were an orchestrated means of him gaining doses of love and affection. He may have been famous, with many people around him, yet he did lead a ‘lonely’ life. Jackson shuddered when remembering his lonely childhood. His father, Joe Jackson, used to beat him (and his brothers) for mistakes during rehearsals. His father, the one person Michael wanted to treat him like a young man, instead called Michael ‘Big Nose’.

Michael entered his teen years with a most unusual famous-but-lonely childhood behind him. At aged 14, the early part of what psychologist Dr Morris Massey terms the ‘socialisation period’, Michael had bad acne. Michael vividly remembered one woman approaching him for an autograph. When she got close to him her words were, ‘Oh my God, I didn’t realise your acne was that bad’. Michael was shattered.

One of the things that drives all of us is the need for love and acceptance. Vivid memories often reflect the very best and worst of our past experiences. For Michael, memories that insulted his looks and challenged ‘acceptance’ took their toll. Coupled with a broken nose and burns suffered during performances, we have seen how his appearance began changing during his twenties. Yet the change to his appearance was his means of looking for love and acceptance. It was as if to say, ‘If my looks are bad, I’ll change them. Will you love and accept me then?’ Paradoxically it led, in part, to the ‘Wacko’ stories and drove ‘acceptance’ away.

After I saw the “Living with Michael Jackson” documentary, I wrote to Michael Jackson. I’d seen his pain. Here was another guy suffering depression who didn’t even realise it. I invited him to my home for a barbecue and to walk to the local shops. I assured him, that contrary to his typical crowd gathering trips, a walk to the shops could be done….and, it is possible to Discover Peace Of Mind. I did not receive a reply.

Michael Jackson was a father, son, brother. Michael Jackson lived a life of feelings, just like you and I. Michael Jackson was a depressed man. A man who in his own way searched to Discover Peace Of Mind, but didn’t. And that is HIStory’s greatest tragedy.

Rodney Lovell

www.discoverpeaceofmind.com

Networking…we all do it.

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9:42 pm 9:42 pm

Whether we chat in the playground while waiting for the kids or when we meet someone at a work or a party, Australia’s networking expert, Kate Brighton, says networking is vital.   Kate is a mover and shaker in networking, and suggests that anyone who is serious about their business keeps in contact with all their contacts.   And I suggest to you, that if you are seriously looking to Discover Peace of Mind in your business, get in contact with Kate Brighton.    katebk@mac.com

Rodney Lovell

Who Controls YOUR Mind?

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8:21 pm 8:21 pm

Who controls your mind?   Before you read on… Stop, think.   What is your answer?  

Recently I attended a seminar by a world leader in self-development who thundered,  ’You control your own mind. Go and live the life of your dreams’.   Hundereds of thousands of people attend courses like his all over the world. “Take control of your mind” is a message that is repeated over and over and over again.

Yet, we DO NOT fully control our own mind. To be told we can is wrong.   Many people leave self development courses inspired, excited and  motivated but then ultimately become disillusioned when it seems the message is for everyone but them. 

There are parts of ourselves that we can’t control at all.   Try, by using your mind, to control your blood flow or any internal part of yourself. Go on, think positively. You can do it. Control your mind, control your blood flow. 

Sorry, that can’t be done. Nature handles that part of us.

Other parts of us can be fully controlled for long periods of time. Try gently rubbing your hands together. Think clearly, keep touching.

Yes, that is much easier.

Some parts of us can be controlled for short periods of time.   Blow out all your breath. Now hold your breath. Concentrate. Try harder.   Ok, how about breathing in first. Take a deep breath in and hold.   That should help you along a little more, until the inevitable. Gasp, gasp. Nature takes over.

But what about your mind? Can you control it or not?    Clearly, we can’t control all aspects of our body. In time, we even stop doing something as simple as gently rubbing our hands together.   In simplistic terms our mind is no different to any other part of our body.   So it is puzzling that  many experts often incorrectly state that you can ‘control your own mind’.  Try doing anything indefinitely. It can’t be done, no matter how you control your mind.   There are limits. They exclaim, ‘You can be, do and have anything you want’ ….Or can you, if there are limits?

Think of a child learning to swim.   In water, a baby has an instinctual survival mechanism that copes better than a toddler.   Not infallible, but definitely a little better. As the child gets older, he either splashes and gasps, or, learns to breathe in when his head is tilted to the side. He breathes out when his face is back in the water.    To do this takes concentration and he learns in steps.  He has to consciously bring the unconscious act of  breathing into his consciousness.  Step 1, stand in the shallow end, put your face in the water and blow bubbles.   Over time, he adds kicks and swimming strokes and so the modulated breathing becomes easie. But if he gets his timing or thoughts wrong, he may cough and splutter when he takes in a mouthful of water. When the swimming technique is mastered, a swimmer can breath normally in or out of the water without conscious thought. The change between breathing pool side and after diving into the water is handled at an unconscious level.  

What was an unconscious act was brought into consciousness, mastered, and then returned to the unconscious.

When we are young, we believe in all sorts of myths.   Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, Monsters, our parents always being right. Over time we get rid of these myths from our beliefs. Well, most of them. Some, like our parents being right, tend to hand around a little longer, and then other myths get added. Usually to our own detriment. Not many people believe empowering myths. They always seem to be disempowering and depressive. These myths are the foundation of what we build our lives on.   

After attending a motivational seminar, it doesn’t really matter what you try to do if you have faulty foundations.   And believe it or not, nature does give you a purposeful flaw.   There is no way anybody can avoid nature’s flaw. The difference is in how we handle it. Most people handle it by good luck, not good management.

The average man and woman drifts through life living whatever life they find themselves in. There is nothing inherantly wrong with this. They work, struggle, make do, celebrate, commiserate.   Often, they have unfulfilled dreams but when trapped in the daily grind they have no energy to create their goals. But that is where people with depression have an advantage.

Depressed people are generally not much different to the average man and woman.   Many depressed people can mask their unhappiness and live reasonably normal lives, which indicates that the depth to their depressed feelings is the only difference. People with deeper depression find it difficult to function on a daily basis. Again, they are not much different to the average person. It is simply a deeper feeling of depression.   Depression is a feeling. Feelings influence your thoughts, your mind.   So why do depressed people have an advantage?

Often the absolute pain of depression drives a person to desperate extreme action. Some scream, “I’ve had enough” and fight and cause pain to others. Some scream, “I’ve had enough” and take their own life. These people, generally, want to change how they feel, but they refuse to see any need for them to change anything.   They become master justifiers waiting for a magic wand to change everything.    But others scream, “I’ve had enough” and use the pain as a ‘negative motivator’ to springboard out of depression and create their goal.   In this last instance, inevitably, they have an open mind.   The resignation of hitting rock bottom, where they will do and try anything is the type of open mind many seek through meditation. They are propelled to a level that that the average person is not.

The next time someone approaches you in anger, note that your automatic reaction will not be a happy one.  You will have some sort of defensive feeling, fight or flight.  Conversely, note when someone approaches you in a friendly, happy manner. You are likely to smile back. Or at the very least you will not be so defensive as in the first example.   You are not controlling your mind in either of these examples.  However just like a swimmer’s breathing, you could, for example, train yourself to smile at everyone who smiles at you.  What is an unconscious act can be brought into consciousness, mastered, and then returned to the unconscious.

That is one of the keys to overcoming depression…  Or any other unproductive symptom in your life. Unconscious acts and thoughts need to be brought into consciousness, dissected, practised, mastered and then returned to the subconscious.

If you always fully controlled your own mind, when did you start? When you were old enough to drive? Maybe when you started school? How about when began to talk?   Or maybe when you went to one of those get-rich-quick seminars.   When did you first control your mind?

You don’t have to have depression to learn the powerful system that nature has provided for us. Anybody can learn about nature’s intentional flaw. Yes, it causes depression.   But the same flaw that leads to depression also branches out and leads us to find love and relationships!   The same flaw is what drives our need for fulfillment….and our search to DISCOVER PEACE OF MIND.

Rodney Lovell

Mythbusters – The Myth of Tough Men

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10:14 am 10:14 am

Hands up, all those people who know somebody who is perfect. If you have your hand up, who are you referring to?   On the flipside, who is referring to you. Nobody, right?   So…nobody is saying that you are perfect. Do you think you are perfect?   You may be good, bad or otherwise, but  are you perfect? No.

Alright, we agree, nobody is perfect.

Excuses…there can be a million of them.  Hands up all those people who make excuses to justify the things they do, what they own, how they look and the things they want to avoid.   Unless you live in denial, you have agreed that you are not perfect, and, you make excuses.

Sometimes, those excuses are valid reasons and sometimes cheap excuses that don’t quite make logical sense. No matter what some may say, we all do both.

Which brings me to one of our communities biggest myths of all time. Perpetuated over many years and reinforced by men who hide.

The myth is…“It is not masculine to seek help for mens problems, particularly health issues.”

Without realising it, many men believe this myth. Logically, it does not make sense to keep a problem simply to avoid getting help. Yet, when men are faced with their own personal situation for which they may need help, they make excuses to avoid being helped! 

I know men whose family beg them to give up smoking. Yet, the men say it is not a problem. If your family is genuinely begging you for anything, you have a problem.

Plenty of men wont have a health check.   “There is nothing wrong with me”, they proudly say. Ok, so get checked. Find out just how good you are – it shouldn’t be a problem.

Other men are scared of needles, waiting rooms, the doctor’s latex gloves, and sometimes even the potential results. Most are scared of what their friends may say.

I knew of a man who wouldn’t get tested for a suspicious bump because he didn’t want to have cancer. His delay allowed the cancer to worsen. Another man had a severe burn. Not getting it seen to resulted in an amputation.   A former champion sportsman began to drink and smoke because his ‘friends did it’.   He was diagnosed with a life threatening illness and gave up drinking and smoking for just one day. He wanted to continue to fit in with his friends. Too many men have depression, anger and family problems yet are not responsible enough to seek assistance.   One man even said he preferred an alcoholic haze to a depressive one, so added alcoholism to his problems.  I’ve heard a lot of excuses. Most relate to denial, “I dont….”; “I don’t need to….”   They sound like little children.   If we are not perfect, it sometimes helps to logically consider another persons opinion.

Some men will read this article and try to pick it apart….”What about women”, or, they will simply insult me, or, go to the extreme trying to twist my words that if you have a little cut on your finger I’m telling you to see a doctor.   They are the men with something to hide. Somethings to be scared of.  

 If you have a problem, get out of your comfort zone and seek assistance.   If you can’t even out of your comfort zone that itself is a sign you need help.

I include CEO’s of multi-nationials, labourers on work sites, sportsmen, artists, the unemployed.   What your vocation is and how good you are at does not prevent you from having a personal problem.

True courage is defying common opinion and I’m waiting to see who can stand up for their responsibility, to face down friends who may ridicule them, to defy the myth of men not seeking assisitance.

Some men simply think that toughness and courage is fighting or hitting. Some men deny their emotions and yell in anger. Yet fighting and yelling ARE displays of emotion, just not in a helpful way.

I once fell for the myth. I did things of which I am not proud. Yet I always saw myself as a normal guy, trying hard to get ahead in life, to provide for my family.   The greatest thing I ever did was to begin the process to Discover Peace of Mind. It took me a long, long time.  Putting what I learnt in to a system format  allows you to stop smoking in under two hours or Discover Peace of Mind in 3 days or less.

I’m not here to knock men. I’m here to point out the stupidity of following a common myth.

Whatever your problem is, take action, show true courage and toughness,  get some assistance. Defy the myth.

Rodney Lovell

Paradox – The Universe’s Secret

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1:38 am 1:38 am

Once upon a time, I didn’t even know what the word, “Paradox” meant.   Once upon a time, I also didn’t think that humans were governed by the laws of nature, also known as, “The Universal Laws”.

During my journey to Discover Peace of Mind, I read Emerson’s Essay titled Compensation.   It reminds me a little bit of an early version of “The Secret”.   Basically, Emerson says that all positves have a negative and all negatives must have a positive balance. Yin and Yang; Positive and Negative. Whatever you like to call it, there is two sides to everything.

Some of my client’s greatest breakthroughs come when they realise this simple fact.   Embrace the negative, for within its crusty shell lies a pearl of wisdom waiting to be discovered.   

Loving parents everywhere urge their children, “Be careful, don’t hurt yourself”.   Yet if that lesson is well learned, what will that child do as a young adult?   Be careful!   When a young adult, the very same parents may urge, “try something new, live a new experience”. However, the initial lesson has been well absorbed. it is now stored in the warehouse of the mind.   And so the young adult may continue through life, challenged that whenever they want to begin something new they procrastinate instead. The pull of chasing a goal is strong, yet the need for safety, to be careful, overrides.

An achieved goal can lead to fulfillment. Being careful (safety) leads to frustration, anger, depression and other negative symptoms.

Two of our most basic needs are the need to feel fulfilled and the need for safety.   Life’s paradox in action!   Fulfillment rarely comes without risk, and ‘comfort zone’ safety rarely comes without frustration.

Unfortunately many adults have partners who are like the ‘Be Careful’ parent.   While the ‘Be Careful’ partner seems happy, well adjusted, in control of life, the other, who is being careful, becomes depressed because they are not allowed to explore, to attempt new things. Their fulfillment is being stifled.   Paradox in action.   And society looks at the depressed person as the one having the problem!

Too many adults have learned the ‘Be Careful’ lesson too well, becoming frustrated, angry, depressed.  As adults, we need to take a lesson from the naturally curious state of a developing child, combined with, a better lesson from the loving parent.   A child doesn’t stay within it’s comfort zone. It explores, it tests itself, it learns, it falls, it cries, it smiles.   And the knowing parent says, “You can explore. I will be here as a safe place for you to return to”.   

Exploring the world and testing yourself can feel risky, but adds to your level of fulfillment.   Adding another person to the equation, your partner, is where things seem complicated.   If both Discover Peace of Mind, free from fear, both will support the other and you will each explore your interests.   Separately exploring together – life’s paradox. A universal secret.

Rodney Lovell

The Biggest Winners and The Biggest Losers

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9:37 am 9:37 am

Wow!   Imagine being so focussed that you could lose half your body weight.

Of course, you would have to be grossly overweight to make that feasible in the first place.  I would look pretty silly walking around at 45kg.   But if I was 167kg and dropped to 80kg then that is a little bit different.   And that’s what the winner of The Biggest Loser achieved.

Bob Herdsman is no dummy.  A former policeman, now a business owner, Bob seems a very laid back, calm sort of guy.   Yet he had allowed himself to balloon out to 167kg. However, over the course of four months, he changed his lifestyle and changed his life….actually, he saved his life.

There are not too many heavily obese older people in our society. Often, obesity is a trigger for cardiac arrest and it’s the overweight people who drag the average life expectancy figure lower.   At 57, Bob was the show’s oldest contestant.   He admitted he wasn’t overly strong or naturally athletic, but Bob persisted and outshone the smaller, faster, younger, stronger opposition.

At this point, some will say, “But Bob must have….” and slip in some sort of justification.  So let’s look at the second place winner.

Bob’s daughter in law Tiffany, a young mother started herBiggest Loser  journey at a sluggish 113kg. Her effort sees her now at a vibrant 59kg.   Bob and Tiffany spent a large portion of the show at separate training locations.   Tiffany contrasts Bob perfectly, nearly eliminating the “Yes, but” that is often heard from outsiders commenting when someone significantly achieves.

Even with the across the board results of all contestants demonstrating this proven method of weight loss, people still criticize. “Yes, but it is unrealistic to train that much”.   Yes it is, but do you train at all?  
“Yes, but they will have flabby skin.”   Some may, some may not. And,they had flabby skin anyway, it was being stretched by all that fat.
And as the channel 9 Today show host asked Tiffany, ”Yes, but do you feel deprived not being able to have a Tim Tam?”   The inbuilt supposition is you ARE deprived if you can’t eat a chocolate biscuit.

People will clutch at anything to criticise achievement, even in an innocuous, questioning way.   These people are the biggest losers.

And as a society we ‘absorb’ that knowledge, that if we do succeed we are open to criticism.   This is in stark contrast to our inherent, basic need for love and acceptance.   It is this contrast that, unconsciously, stops people from achieving their goals.  Our inbuilt ‘auto pilot’ says, “If I succeed I will be criticised.”  

To overcome this self sabotage requires immense focus.   Bob & Tiffany used a personal coach to help them focus and breakthrough their barriers. Another method is simple guided hypnotic visualisation.   My own craving for choc-mint biscuits disappeared instantly using this method. Also, try modelling the actions of people who have achieved the results you are looking for.

 To be the biggest winners, to achieve their goals and discover peace of mind, Bob and Tiffany are classic examples of everything that is required.   Seek a coach, focus, take action and persist in doing new things.

Wow! Imagine achieving all that you want.

Rodney Lovell

Who is Rod Lovell?

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9:03 pm 9:03 pm

I thought I would have a look at how many people are named “Rod Lovell”.   Wow! I knew there were two others in Australia, a couple in USA and one in Barbados, but I found over 60!   

I wonder how many of you there are.

Rodney Lovell