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Save our planet? We can’t even save our streets.

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Over the past two years, I’ve lived in, worked at or visited Afghanistan, United Arab Emirates, Singapore, Phillipines, Malaysia, Indonesia, Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane.   The one thing that stands out in each is the amount of litter, either large, little or inappropriate.

The Kabul River in Afghanistan is a tragic sight as it trickles through the summer months.  Daily, it is filled with rubbish thrown in  by riverside markets sellers.  Beginning in the mountains west of Kabul it thunders during the winter travellling west into Pakistan.   It is a source of irrigation and life, yet also germs and disease.

In western civilisaton, we are fortuante to have rubbish collections, and public rubbish bins.   Our cities are reasonably clean.   So it is entirely unnecessary to litter….anywhere.   

If you want to see an example of ‘Justification‘ in action, speak to a litterer.  

In a forest area, a man threw fruit away.  It was unsightly sitting in an open area.  He justified it as ‘returning to earth’ and ‘feeding the animals’.   Sorry mate, that’s called littering….and he did it in front of his young son.

On trains I’ve heard, “Well, everybody else does it”.   There are numerous bins at railway stations.

In picture theatres a bin is at the door on the way out, yet the theatre often looks like a tip by the end of the show.

Cigarette butts are everywhere. “It’s only small”, and, “There’s no bin handy” are two excuses that come to mind.   However, if the smoker can carry a full length cigarette in a packet, why can’t they carry a tiny butt with them?

Fast food restaurants….”Leave it for the cleaners”.   The consumer carried a full tray to their table and can’t carry less back to the bin.

And in our streets and rivers, an array of rubbish collected by street cleaners and floating river booms.   Save our planet? We can’t even save our streets.

Why do people litter when as a society we know better?   My view is it is often a rule-breaking look-at-me act, often carried out in the company of others.   It is also a sign of a person who cannot, will not, or does not accept responsiblity for their own actions.   A good question to ask them  is, “Where else in your life do you not accept responsibility?”   Failing to accept personal responsibility coupled with justification, whatever the reason,  is a classic sign of someone who is at risk of depression, and has yet to Discover Peace of Mind.

I doubt that we’ll ever get to the unfortunate situation of the Kabul River, but, it would be nice if our streets were a little cleaner.

Rodney Lovell

If you like your music, discover [ME]

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One of my long time passions is listening to music. For me, music has been a constant, taking me from the depths of despair in the dark days and soothing stresses, or just being plain enjoyable. However, I never went to see many bands in concert, preferring to listen to MP3′s, CD’s, LP’s, EP’s, 45′s and even cassettes.   I did make one recent exception.   Word came to me of a band named [ME] that sounds a lot like Freddy Mercury and Queen.   Now that’s my kind of music…so Dianne and I trekked off to see [ME] on their northern states tour and…wow!  

Check out [ME] at http://www.myspace.com/featureartist and http://meband.com/

 

 Damian Tapley, [ME] guitarist with Rodney Lovell from Melbn PtyLtd

Judging – Are you fair?

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Recently I was in a speaking competition.   I was thrilled with my performance and confident that I would win.   Yet the judges placed me third.   I had a few people say later that they thought I should have won.  They also said, “You must be so disappointed”. To the contrary…I absolutely nailed what I set out to do.   My only disappointment is that I now can’t use a ‘first place’ in my advertising!

On other occasions when I have won competitions, I have been disappointed because I didn’t keep to the points I wanted to practice.   Pleased to win? Yes. Yet knowing that I didn’t do what I wanted to.

And there lies the differences.   Sure, evaluate feedback, yet you know what you are trying to do and therefore you are often the best judge…if you are fair on yourself.   If you are too hard, or rely on others to judge you all the time, may I suggest you Discover Peace of Mind.com

Rodney Lovell

Leo Russell Sports

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Last week I flew down to good old Melbourne town for one day. The cool weather was a refreshing change from the constant summer humidity in Brisbane.   I had an hour to fill in so I used it to go shopping. To one shop.

Out at West Preston is the best old-fashioned shop I know. Leo Russell Sports.   They sell nothing but Asics sports shoes and significantly cheaper than retail stores, and Leo Russell stocks a larger range.   However, over the past few years iit seems there are forces who don’t like Leo Russell from selling below recommended retail price.

For those who like to support the underdog, support 75 years of community service and get super-great discounts with an old-fashioned touch, I recommend Leo Russell Sports. 24 Gilbert Road, West Preston. (03) 9484 1343. Cash only!

And if you need to post them to your friends in Brisbane, or anywhere else, the post office is across the road.

While you’re getting discounts, don’t forget you can get free copies of Think and Grow Rich, and, The Richest Man in Babylon from my other website…

www.DiscoverPeaceOfMind.com

Rodney Lovell

Feedback – How do you give it? How do you take it?

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“This is a safe learning environment”, soothed the presenter.   “We listen to what you say”, he cooed.   “We may not agree with it, but rest assured that we will listen”.   “Feel free to speak freely.   We want you to have a powerful learning experience”.

What a great place to learn, I thought.

At the break in this seminar, I received a phone call from a store I had recently visited. I had submitted some feedback using their email service. “Thank you so much for your feedback.   We’ll pass it on and encourage our staff to keep up the good work.”  I had been pleased with the sevice I had received and forwarded an email to the store management.

Back to the seminar….One of the world’s leading training organisations had their head trainer on stage. Surely it couldn’t be any safer than this. Until he asked, “Who isn’t getting into this yet?” My hand went up.   The only hand of 100 people that went up.   On stage, he stopped, crossed his arms, looked at me and said, “That’s a shame”.

A little later, I indicated I’d like to ask a question. I was introduced as, “The man who hasn’t gotten into it yet”.     At the next break, a group of women approached me. One said, “That’s why we don’t raise our hand. You’ll get attacked”.

The presenter’s response to my honest answer alienated a section of his audience.   His opportunity to demonstrate the safe learning environment had evaporated.   Actions speak louder than words.

By contrast, I used to work with a man named Ben. He was a quiet worker who became quite animated when he saw something other than what he liked. He yelled and hollared his opinion at anyone he saw doing wrong and justified it by saying, “I’m only speaking my mind. That’s what you want isn’t it?”  His co-workers would be shocked, intimidated and sometimes in tears.   Off he would go to the boss, a very business-like man named Keith. Keith could be very forthright himself.   However, Keith recognised Ben’s frustration, calmed him and explained things. Yet Keith didn’t just calm the situation, he listened to the underlying feedback and evaluated it.

Keith’s staff understood that feedback was valued. Things may not change yet the staff understood they were safe to provide an opinion.

But feedback isn’t just for complaints.   Try telling the boss you enjoyed the day’s work. Write a letter to the manager of a store when you get good service.

Feedback is a sharing of your feelings…How you felt about something.  It is the transmission of your evaluation to someone who can do something about it.

One of the fine lines with feedback is that you are judging.   Judging is also an evaluation, an opinion against your values.   Understanding values is a key to Discovering Peace of Mind.   Once you Discover Peace of Mind, you will truly be able to understand the process of feedback – how to give it and how to take it.

Rodney Lovell

Repairing Fractured Relationships

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One of the hardest things in the world is working out how to repair a fratured relationship. A fracture is a small crack, not a complete break, so with this knowledge the task immediately becomes easier….or does it?

The biggest obstacle is often your own recalcitrance.   After having succesfully maintained a fracture, you now have to ‘swallow pride’ and begin dialogue. What do you say when you haven’t spoken to this person for so long?   Is there still a Values discrepancy?   What will they say?   Like any change, fear often appears.   Fear, of course, is nothing more than an unconscious projection of things going wrong.  

There are many ways of tackling this issue, and of course, things may go wrong if the other person doesn’t want to talk.   But this is a fracture, not a break, so keep it simple, say ‘Hi’ and spend a few minutes talking about something easy.   People often simply respond to their own habits,or, to someone elses negative expectation.   But you can set your own standards. So face the fear and Discover Peace Of Mind.

Rodney Lovell

The Women’s Empower Hour with Dr Dietra Payne

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For those who missed my appearance with Dr Dietra Payne on The Women’s Empower Hour, here is the link for the replay.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thewomensempowerhour/page/1

The Womens Empower Hour

The Womens Empower Hour

Scroll to the episode titled”Strenghtening Relationships Between Men and Women ” . I appeared as a guest with Al Cole from Boston’s radio 100.7 WZLS.

In true ‘the show must go on’ tradition, I began the show whilst being driven in a car. Having recently landed in Brisbane, I still hadn’t unpacked my case. Whizzing around unfamiliar streets, I had a mobile phone to my ear, calling USA via a ‘phonecard’. On my knee sat my laptop with mobile internet connection. I was trying to read the listeners questions being typed into the on-line chat room.   Depending on the direction of the car, the sun shone on the screen and I couldn’t read anything!   Sometimes, my voice was bouncing back to me down the phone line, so it sounded to me as if I was talking over myself.   Eventually, the phone signal dropped out. Unfortunately, I was in mid-sentence.   So, if my speech sounds a little disjointed in parts, it may be because I was distracted by heavy traffic, or, trying to read the laptop screen, or, I was hearing myself on two second delay.   Nevertheless, I eventually made it to a landline and called back in….The only thing was, it was somebody else’s office, and, I had to ask them if they’d leave their office for an hour whilst I used their phone to call USA.  

It was a great experience.   Thanks Dietra!

Rodney Lovell

It’s OK – Celebrate

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‘Cel-e-brate good times, COME ON’   is how the song goes.   It evokes thoughts of a party –  dancing, eating, drinking and having a good time.

And if you celebrate every good time you have, you might have a LOT of parties!

During my search to Discover Peace of Mind, I often received advice to CELEBRATE when I did something well, or when something went well.   This may sound silly, but I didn’t know HOW to celebrate.   I thought the usual way was to eat something, drink something or go somewhere.   If I did that all the time I’d become obese, drunk and never home!   So what do you do to celebrate the little things that go right?

For me, I now give a little punch to the air. Subtley when I’m out and about, or vigourously at home, usually accompanied by a loud ‘YEH’.  

Now for those of you who are a little shy about being demonstrative in any way, may I suggest your search to Discover Peace of Mind, may still be in progress.   Celebrating your good work is not boasting, it’s not being negatively egotisitical, it’s simply celebrating….and it’s OK.

Today I cooked a great meal. I worked out how to change the date formatting on this blog. I received some photos from my daughters. Yeh, Yeh, YEH!

Creating a habit of celebrating allows you to FEEL how often you do something well, or how often things go well for you. We all know people who curse when they’ve done something wrong, or made a tiny mistake.   The volume of mistakes is usually infinitesimal when compared to what goes right. Yet, we let those few mistakes drag us down.

So,punch the air and Discover Peace of Mind,

 

Rodney Lovell

Difficult Decisions – What Would You Have Done?

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Every so often appears a question that we have to answer for which the options are all doomed to upset someone.   I remember having a full week planned. Every minute of daylight hours had me at work or at a function.   I was only at home during the night.   One night, my wife said that the lawn needed to be mowed.   We had different values. I thought it could wait another week. She wanted it done sooner than that.   My only opportunity before my busy week began was the very next morning.   The council by-laws allowed mowing from 7.30am.   At 7.30am exactly, I began the quickest lawn mowing of all time!   Then I left for  work.

The next time i saw my neighbour, he told me in no uncertain terms that he thought my mowing of the lawn at 7.30 was not a neighbouriy thing to do. As an unemployed person he slept late. I had woken him.   In hindsight, my wife was happy that the lawn was mowed. I was not happy at having to do it when I didn’t want to. however, i was happy that it was now done. My neighbour was unhappy with the noise.   What would you have done?   

When I worked in Afghanistan, I read an article where coalition forces could carry out a risky plan to capture Taliban leaders. The problem was the Taliban leaders were over the border in Pakistan. If the plan was successful, everyting would be ok. however, should something go wrong on Pakistani soil there would be a huge problem.   What would you have done?

There are a myriad of opinions relating to the Presidency of George W Bush.   Elected with a promise to reduce USA involvement in international affairs he suddenly encountered the effects of terrorists hijacking planes and killing thousands.

Without condoning or opposing what he has done, I ask you this…

If you were the President, what would you have done?

For those of you who support President Bush, the answer is easy because it is done for you. However, after many years of asking people who oppose President Bush, I am yet to hear a clear cut answer.

The most consistent answer has been to leave a response up to the United Nations.   Most people I’ve spoken to agree, however, that this means a dilution of sovereignty.  Here are a list of some pertinent facts.   If you leave your political allegiances aside, this makes an excellent exercise for the mind.   There are many things to consider. It is a difficult question.

The war in Iraq began with Iraq and Iran at war for seven years.    Then Iraq invaded Kuwait.   The UN responded with an international alliance to defeat Iraq and save Kuwait.   The UN did not allow persuing of Saddam Hussain.   The UN demanded that Iraq allow weapons inspectors to check for weapons of mass destruction. It gave Iraq 90 days to cooperate.  

Because of Iraq’s refusal to cooperate, the 90 days extended to over 13 years!

Both UN weapons inspectors, Richard Butler and Hans Blick, made public comments that they expected Iraq DID have weapons of mass destruction.

In January 1998, Richard Butler, reported that Iraq has loaded biological weapons onto missile warheads. Butler said, “that the biological weapons were loaded onto missiles that could be put on mobile launchers and driven away to avoid being hit by bombs.”  Iraq had enough biological material like anthrax or botulin toxin to “blow away Tel Aviv.”

Butler even suggested the UN was assisting Iraq. In an interview with a Melbourne newspaper, The Age in 1999, Butler stated, ‘There was a convergence of interests between Saddam Hussein and Kofi Annan. Saddam wanted UNSCOM (United Nations Special Commission) out of his life so he could get on with his weapons program and Annan and his people wanted UNSCOM out of their lives because it was too independent.’   “Kofi Annan and his people sought to hand to Saddam Hussein the greatest possible prize—the destruction of UNSCOM.’

In 1998 President Bill Clinton approved Operation Desert Fox, the bombing of Iraq without UN approval.

During the 13 years, a military perimeter was set around Iraq to enforce sanctions.   In effect, the war had never ended.   UN sanctioned planes still shot down any Iraqi plane that flew.

After terrorists attacked the USA on September 11, 2001, the USA pleaded with the UN to enforce the UN’s own demands on Iraq. The 90 days had become 13 years, and, the USA had now been attacked.   The UN refused to enforce it’s own demands.

What would you have done?

Most people digress into rhetoric about USA supplying weapons to Iraq earlier and other answers that do not answer this question directly.

So, the question to stimulate hours of discussion is….What would you have done?

A habit you may regularly hear is people criticizing others for what they have done. Often, without even knowing what they would have done themselves.

When you Discover Peace of Mind, you will find yourself less critical of people.  You will see how and why people have done things. You may not agree, yet you will understand their thought processes more.

 

Rodney Lovell

Is Romance a Form of Prostitution?

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The ritual began….  Casual meeting with friends… A few phone calls… A little on-line chatting and emailing…   Do I want to date this woman, Elle? Does Ella want to date me?   Ask a few leading questions to sound her out, then suddenly she says,  ‘You know, I’m the old fashioned romantic type.   I like to be wined and dined’.   These words clarified things instantly.   However, I didn’t want to suddenly wine and dine.  Maybe a movie or a casual drink but not wining and dining to start.   Instantly, I knew we had a Values disagreement.   And, I still wasn’t sure that I wanted to go out with Ella  at all.

This situation reminded me of another, many years ago before I was able to Discover Peace of Mind.   A relationship I had been in for some time with Margaret was on shaky ground.  I was told quite clearly that there was to be ‘more romance’.   Guys quiver at the words.   I enquired, ‘Tell me what you think is romantic that doesn’t cost money?’   It seems that coughing and spluttering was about all that could be suggested by Margaret!   Now I’m sure we can all think of romantic things that don’t cost money, yet, everything  I suggested to Margaret was met with a shrug or a reply of ‘I have to clean the house’. It seems that chocolate in motels, wine, theatre and dinner trips were what was required.   Some kind of gift.

I spoke to Margaret  sometime later. We had gone our own way and met new people.   She eagerly told me that she now was with a man, Tommy, who ‘couldn’t live without her’ and so she ‘has to be with him’.   ‘Tommy buys me things.   I haven’t been treated better’.   After some questioning Margaret agreed that she really didn’t love Tommy deeply, more as a friend, yet, in her mind, that was balanced by the fact that Tommy ‘couldn’t live without her’.   I reminded Margaret that I used to say that to her too. Only then I had depression.   Clinginess and desperation are symptoms of depression and low self esteem.  

Constant gift buying is a compensation for low self esteem, as is the constant expectation of gifts.   

Margaret wanted. Tommy provided.    I wondered to myself, ‘Is this a form of prostitution?   Was he simply her ‘sugar daddy?  Is the rate negotiable?’   With the gift giving they seemed the perfect match.   Yet later, Margaret needed counselling.   Of course, she blamed me for ‘what I had done to her during our relationship’.   I asked Margaret that  if she was in a perfect relationship, and in control of her own mind, why blame me for her counselling?   Margaret said the counsellor said it was my fault.   I couldn’t imagine any counsellor allowing a client to deflect responsibility for their own thoughts. Or maybe she simply was using a friend as a counsellor.    Another sign of low self esteem is failure to accept responsibility for your own actions and thoughts.   Yep, it’s far easier to blame someone else!

So Margaret, like millions of people all over the world blame others for their lack of  ‘whatever’.   Tall poppy syndrome of sorts. Drag people down so you can have them below you. It seems easier than making yourself a better person.   It’s funny how many people know how to live someone else’s life, yet have trouble with their own.

In my current relationship with Dianne, I jumped at the chance to wine and dine.  Her desire to go out is based is simply to be outside, a picnic would have sufficed, or even a walk along the river.  Our first date was a nice French restaurant.   Now I mix things up a bit.   Flowers and chocolate, dinner out,  or maybe an unexpected foot massage during a cozy night with a DVD.   Even covering her shoulder with a blanket on a cold night or a ittle note for her to find.   When you are in a relationship, particularly a longer term one, it’s critical to remember to take some time to fulfil the Values of your partner, and them to fulfil yours.

 So, did I date Ella, the first woman I mentioned in this story?   No.   Neither or us was right or wrong, we just have different Values to each other.  Yet in my story, both Ella and Margaret’s Values demanded a need for a ‘gift-buying’ demonstration of love.  And therein lies the difference.   It’s in the ‘WHY’.        Maybe they need to Discover Peace of Mind.

Rodney Lovell