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White Wreath Day, May 29, in rememberance of victims of suicide.

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My brother and I used to play junior Aussie rules football with Paul Hester at South Belgrave. Paul was a funny guy who once tried to kiss one of the opposition players! That certainly made the opposition forget about the chasing ball, while they tried to ‘take out’ Paul whenever he got the ball.   Paul got the ball often. He was a very good player.   He played in the centre and became captain of our team.   

With interest, we watched from afar as he went on to become famous as a drummer for Split Enz and Crowded House.  Paul was our opportunity to name drop.   “See the drummer? That’s Paul Hester…used to play footy with him”.

It was incredible to hear the news that day when he ended his life.   Being in this line of business I took an extra interest.   Outsiders like me don’t see the inner turmoil that is revealed only to those closest. The news carried stories from his loved ones and closest friends how Paul was often depressed yet was also so upbeat.   It is no revelation that those who laugh most often mask pain.

Paul’s diary extracts from when he was 8 were interesting. Not wanting to be in trouble, but to become famous amongst other things.   Despite our parents best endeavours, most of our troubled adult years have their roots in childhood.   We simply build on faulty foundations.

Paul’s life illustrates that fame, fortune and finding your goals are not a prevention against depression. Depression has it’s roots in our “Identity-Impression State”, which is a step beyond self esteem and way out of our conscious mind. It is as natural as breathing, and like breathing can be modulated. Think of a swimmer modulating their breathing to produce a great result. They can’t stop their breathing but they can have it assist them.

The Identity-Impression State is created by the “Identity-Impression Dynamic”, a natural process that begins at birth.   It is nature’s way of creating a flaw in each of us. This flaw leads to many outcomes among which are depression, and  how we attract a partner.   The Identity-Impression Dynamic” is too detailed to discuss in this post, and is covered in full at my 3 day Discover Peace of Mind workshop.

White Wreath Day is our day to remember those like Paul who were yet to Discover Peace of Mind.   Many men and women have mild depression or similar symptoms yet refuse to seek treatment. One man I know of says he regularly ‘gets depressed’ but ‘doesn’t have depression’.   It’s like binge drinkers saying they drink a lot but they are not alcoholics. They may not be full alcoholics but are in fact a variation of it – they are ‘social alcoholics’.   My car isn’t broken down but it does cough and splutter a lot. Should I get it seen to? Of course.   Anything less and I’d be in denial.

And like  a car coughing and spluttering, the breakdown can be sudden. So if your motor isn’t running smoothly, don’t fall for the old myth of ‘toughing it out’. That is one of the all time great pieces of rubbish.   I should know. I fell for it once.

There are various activities to commemorate White Wreath Day.   See for details.

And so I will remember Paul…and Fiona….and Ross, and think of their families.


Rodney Lovell