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Lessons Learned from an Affair – Part 1. Delete those photos of my butt!

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“Delete those photos” she demanded.   “But they’re mine. You gave them to me”, I replied.

These were the photos she had sent to my phone. Taken herself , her butt decorated by a rainbow assortment of G-strings, a couple bare skin, and, I’d only had them on my phone for a few months.    Surely this brief time wasn’t long enough. You see,  for twenty years I had endured a modern man’s lingerie nightmare.    Day after day I got to see my wife wearing daggy undies with the days of the week emblazoned upon them.   Undies her mother had given her years earlier.   Well-made undies unfortunately. They seemed to last forever!   And suddenly, to have her text photos of her butt to me? Wow, that was something I NEVER expected. EVER!

But now we were getting ready to separate and so she demanded that her butt-revealing underwear had to be removed from my phone.


We all have our own experiences, and if you look at your thumbprint it can be confirmed that we are unique individuals. Yet, if we all hold our thumbs up and compare them, we see that although we are unique, we also, actually, are VERY similar.

When I talk with people about overcoming depression and how to discover peace of mind, I find that many of these people want to know the stories…. how hard it’s been to endure a divorce, an  Intervention Order (IVO), a betrayal by a friend. They want to know how I came to have depression. What helped?   What hindered?  This public interest is what motivates me to write these articles.   In his book, Stumbling on Happiness, Harvard University’s  Professor Dan Gilbert says, “The best way to predict how you will feel  is to use someone else’s experience”.


One of the great benefits people receive when they overcome depression is that they can acknowledge their  mistakes. Let me clarify…. Although I can explain ‘reasons’ for having done things a certain way in the distant past, I no longer ‘have to’ rationalise or justify.

I believe what I write in these articles to be true.   Even if those characters involved in these stories want to argue about technicalities, it is easy to prove that what I write is substantially true. Why?  I have their own words in my files , yes, that they have written,  telling the story! Of course, much of it is my opinion.

I know that the people involved in this series of articles may have a different interpretation of events. During heated discussions, they have said, like our former Prime Minister Julia Gillard in her role in the illegal AWU Slush Fund, ‘I have done nothing wrong’.  The rebuttal to that defence is “If you did nothing wrong, what was it that you did right?”


In this series of articles, I will share with you some of my experiences so that you may learn from them. What did I do wrong? What did I get right?     You may not have a direct replica of my experiences, but yours may be similar enough, just like our similar thumbprints.


My thumb pushed the delete button, and the photos were gone from my phone.   She was relieved, I was sad.    And then I found the photos had reappeared on somebody else’s phone!   The phone of a mate. A mate whose wedding my wife and I attended just a few months earlier.    A mate who was a former boss of mine. A mate who I had shared a house with 25 years ago.   A mate named Alan Workman.

…and the lesson here?   If your wife suddenly changes her underwear selection and habits, something or someone, is on her mind.